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Me vs. Post Office

XCRITIC

So the post office has it out for me. I probably brought it on myself back when they questioned whether I was homeless or not and I questioned their right to know. How long ago was that? Seems like at least a month. I just got four weeks worth of mail today. Here is why I'm convinced they don't like me: the first trickling of mail I recieved was soaking wet. How does mail get wet when it is just sitting in a PO box? That was two weeks ago. Then for the last week I've only been getting promotional mail addressed to the current resident. Then finally, today, it came in floods. My box was full (ha ha get it) and on top of that they  had left 3 slips telling me I had packages to pick up at the counter. So I went to the counter. The first slip yielded... porn. And the second slip yielded... more porn. Thanks Adam and Eve and Club magazine!! Then they said there was nothing for the third slip and I shrugged it off and left.

An hour later I got a call from a private number. I answered. "Is this Ms. Kross?" a wavery voice asked. "This is she", I said, wondering what weirdo got a hold of my number. "Sorry Ma'am, but we had one more package for you (insert cheesy porno scene here). Apparently someone kicked it into the back corner."

Well that third package was the rest of the mail that had been forwarded up from San Diego. Kind of important, I'd say. I think it is strange that one of my envelopes was open and empty too. Now I'm grappling with whether I should make friends with the Post Office people so they don't continue to throw a wrench in my life or stand strong and let them know that I'd prefer my mail on time, unopened, and dry.

 


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