To Wrap It, Or Not to Wrap It

It’s no secret that porn is all about the bareback sex. In fact, it’s fairly rare to see a scene in which the penis-having parties are wearing a condom. It almost makes me do a double take when I see it! This includes scenes in which porn performers are acting out swinger fantasies. That perfect swinger orgy unfolds so flawlessly, with nobody skipping a beat. The action goes from clothes-on to clothes-off to intense sexual acts without the awkward fumbling with that condom wrapper, the 60 plus seconds to pull it out and put it on. The bull playing with the cuckoldress, her husband watching nearby as he plunges into her bareback.

It’s a beautiful thought. I wish we lived in a world where nothing bad ever happened, and the need for condoms didn’t exist. We don’t live in the fantasy world of porn, however. And we certainly don’t protect ourselves (at least on a large scale) in the same way that serious porn performers do. As I’m sure most can guess, these performers are expected to provide meticulous and recent STI screening results before scenes, mitigating most of the risk they would otherwise pose to sexual partners. They show up on set knowing their status and willingly sharing it with anyone coming into contact with their genitals.

The real-life world of swinging is, of course, very different. You show up at a swingers event or party, having zero idea of the STI status of those around you. Even if you ask, you can’t possibly know for sure that the information being provided to you is honest. Unless the person walks in the door with their STI status printed on official clinic letterhead, and you’re confident they haven’t had sex since they left said clinic, you can’t possibly know if someone poses the risk of transmitting something to you.

Worse yet, it should shock you the number of times we’ve heard this horror story: Someone decides to roll with dice and fulfill a creampie fantasy with someone. They ask for their testing history, sometimes are even provided with proof of a recent clean test, and also offer up the information that they’ve had a vasectomy. The woman goes forward with the fun, not on birth control, and ends up pregnant. Yes, it happens.

The next question I typically get asked on this topic by lifestylers is, “There are times when it’s safe to play without condoms, though, right?” I would argue it’s never completely safe, but there are certainly instances where going bareback is safer than others. Much like on a porn set, it takes careful planning. One situation where it could make sense to ditch the condoms would be in a closed play partner circle. You often find this in the lifestyle with couples who become close friends. Maybe it’s two or three couples that trust each other emphatically and decide they will not be playing with anyone outside of each other. They are all tested before this arrangement is made, and honest STI test results are provided. Of course, trust is the key word here: Are you sure one of those couples won’t get swept up in the moment the next time they meet a hot couple?

Another “safe” scenario would be one consistent play partner. You often see this in the hotwife and cuckold spaces. The wife is only playing with one other man aside from her husband. She, her husband, and their “bull” all three decide to stay monogamous to one another in order to play without condoms and experience those fantasies together. Again, how much do you trust those people? If you’re confident all involved will stick to the script, you probably have very little to worry about.

For the vast majority of swingers, the name of the game is variety. They prefer to meet new people and have exciting new experiences whenever possible. Therefore, the idea of closing off a swinger group in order to safely play with each other is unrealistic. For these people, my vote is to ALWAYS use a condom. Not just usually, not just with new partners, literally every time (aside from your primary partner of course). While this is a very personal choice, and anyone should be allowed to have personal autonomy over their own body, it’s simply not a smart decision to engage before you wrap it up

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