Herpes and Relationships: To Tell or Not to Tell?

Debunking Herpes: It's Time to Kiss the Stigma Goodbye!

If you're reading this, you've probably heard of herpes. But what exactly is it? In simple terms, herpes is a common viral infection that affects millions of people worldwide. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), more than 490 million people were estimated to be living with genital herpes in 2016.

There are two main types of herpes: herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2):

• HSV-1 is typically responsible for the cold sores around your mouth—those unwelcome party crashers who insist on appearing at the most inconvenient times. Thanks to oral hygiene habits and the spread of kisses, HSV-1 is quite common and can be acquired in childhood. Children are infected primarily with orolabial HSV1 by five years of age, with infection rates of 20-33%.
• On the other hand, HSV-2 is commonly associated with genital herpes and is sexually transmitted. Ah, the perils of swapping more than just stories, eh? But here's the kicker: HSV-1 can also cause genital herpes if you engage in oral sex when a cold sore is present.

HSV-1 and HSV-2 remain dormant in our bodies and will sporadically pop up, generally as blisters or sores. These outbreaks can be triggered by various factors, such as stress, fatigue, hormonal changes, or even too much partying.

Though there is no cure for herpes at the moment, it is a manageable condition and not the end of your sex life or life in general! Antiviral treatments are available to lessen the severity of the symptoms and reduce the frequency of outbreaks.

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Here are some interesting statistics about herpes and people living with herpes based on a study from 2021:

• 84% of respondents had an outbreak when they tested positive.
  • It's important to get tested for STI's regularly!
• 81% have external genital symptoms when they have outbreaks.
• 33% have seen a mental health professional because of their diagnosis.
  • Click here for resources if you need information.
• 42% felt comfortable disclosing to a potential partner more than 3 months after their diagnosis.
  • Take your time figuring out how to disclose, but please be safe.
• 62% have been sexually active with a person who does not have HSV since their diagnosis.
• 8% have only dated people who also have HSV (since their diagnosis).
• 62% have been sexually active with someone who does not have HSV (since their diagnosis).

We’re talking STDs and STIs here, so naturally, precautions are crucial. While condoms lower the risk of transmission, they do not provide 100% protection, as herpes could be present on areas not covered by condoms. But don't let this little virus hold you ransom. Even though disclosure is a choice, open communication with your partner(s) about sexual health and regular testing can go a long way in keeping everyone healthy and satisfied.

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There are a few things to keep in mind when engaging in communication about herpes with a partner or potential partner. If you’re positive, not having to worry about disclosure, rejection, and passing it on are a few benefits associated with dating people who also have the virus. But that negative way of thinking about yourself and your sexual health can be very detrimental to mental health and even unnecessary. Speaking openly about it (and how transmission can be avoided) might be the best way to approach the subject. Often, people stigmatize herpes. Herpes stigma mainly comes from misinformation and misunderstandings. It’s a sexually transmitted infection, which already subjects it to hushed tones and judgment. People often associate herpes with promiscuity or reckless sexual behavior. But that is inaccurate.

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It's also notable that people tend to have stronger feelings about HSV-2 (“genital” herpes) than HSV-1. However, HSV-1 can be spread to the genitals. This can happen through oral sex when someone with a cold sore caused by HSV-1 comes into contact with a partner's genital area. While HSV-1 is commonly associated with oral herpes (or cold sores), it certainly doesn't shy away from causing genital herpes as well. This is why, when it comes to safe sex practices, it's not just about birth control. Barrier methods such as condoms or dental dams can help decrease the risk and remember; communication is just as critical in ensuring sexual health!

Herpes is not the end of the world. It is just another facet of sexual health that needs to be understood and managed. After all, sexual well-being is a significant part of adulthood that we are mastering one day at a time!

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