Who’s in Charge Now? 5 Hot Tips for Gentle Dominance in Sex

How and Why to Explore Gentle Dominance in the Bedroom

Unleashing your inner dominant doesn’t necessarily mean rolling in with whips and chains (unless that’s your thing—go us!). A little touch of gentle dominance in the bedroom can create a power dynamic that’s equally thrilling and intimate, with just the right mix of naughty and nice. Whether you’re opting for a playful slap, tugging on their hair, or pinning their wrists, these moves let you take control while keeping things safe, sexy, and downright magnetic.

@alexabowditch How To Be More Dominant in Bed ❤️ #relationship #goals ♬ original sound - Alexa Bowditch

Ready to awaken your inner dom? Here’s how.

#5 The Command Whisper

Who needs complex moves when your voice can carry the weight of your control? A well-timed whisper or bold command can send shivers down their spine and solidify your energy as the one steering the ship.

• Why It Works: Commanding language and a confident tone are an irresistible combo for gentle dominance in the bedroom. You've set the rules, and your partner will love following them (pro tip: keep the focus on their pleasure). Think, “You can’t come until I allow it,” vs. “Touch me right here, right now.”
• How to Do It Right: Lean in, lower your voice, and go for the gold: “Look at me,” “Say you’re all mine,” or “Beg for it.” If their pupils dilate and they shiver—or immediately obey—you’ve nailed it. Confidence here is the true aphrodisiac. Feeling your partner whisper into your ear is also a huge turn-on. And ladies, don’t forget to use your tits to your advantage when you lean into your partner’s face.

#4 Biting

Biting is where intention meets sensation in your pursuit of gentle dominance. A nip here, a nibble there—it’s the animal side of intimacy peeking through, and it’s oh-so-thrilling when paired with your authority in the moment.

• Why It Works: It turns your mouth into a power tool (besides kissing, of course), blending a little edge with playful affection.
• How to Do It Right: Target sensitive spots, such as the neck, shoulder, earlobes, or inner arm, for a super-reactive bite zone. Start light, then experiment with more pressure based on how they respond. Remember, a faint love bite can feel like a signature of control without overstepping boundaries.

#3 Wrist Pinning: The Power of Restraint

There’s a reason so many fantasies involve restraint: limiting movement is the ultimate tease. Pinning their wrists while you’re in the lead allows you to maintain control while dialing up the tension. It’s one of the easiest and sexiest ways to dabble in gentle dominance in the bedroom.

• Why It Works: It creates an irresistible vulnerability that heightens every kiss, touch, or command you deliver. You can incorporate this power move into many positions, including when you shift from one to another. It can be slightly challenging if the partner that wants to be in charge is shorter than the receiving partner, but don’t limit your creativity. Picture your partner bent over in doggy while you hold their hands behind their backs. This will set your partner up in a ‘head down-ass up’ position, allowing power play.
• How to Do It Right: Make sure your grip is more supportive than restricting—this is about control, not discomfort. And don’t forget to use your free hand (or your mouth) to trail kisses, bites, or teasing touches while they’re beneath you. Pro tip: Unless it’s impossible in the position you’re in, you should always use both hands to please your partner. Even if it’s just resting it on their body or using it to caress sensitive areas, don’t be a lazy lover. Use everything you have to let your partner know they’re everything for you at that moment.

#2 Hair Pulling

Few moves feel as effortlessly dominant as wrapping your hand into someone’s hair and taking control. When done thoughtfully, hair pulling is a classic technique that screams gentle dominance in the bedroom. Dear reader, please be mindful of how uncomfortable hair-pulling can be for some people. Unless you’ve discussed it with your partner before trying it, wrap your fingers around their roots and ‘grab’ their hair to get their attention. Add dirty talk like “Do you like that?” and “Do you want me to pull hard?” before trying something that can quickly kill the mood.

• Why It Works: There’s an undeniable power in guiding their head, whether it’s tilting their chin up to meet your gaze or holding them steady somewhere delicious.
• How to Do It Right: Reach for the roots, not the ends, to avoid accidental tangles or breaks (it’s sexy, not salon time). Use a firm yet tender grip, creating a visceral push-pull dynamic they won’t forget anytime soon.

#1 The Face Tap or Slap

A well-executed face slap adds a cheeky bit to your exploration of gentle dominance in the bedroom. It’s audacious yet controlled, and the shock of it (in the sexiest way possible) can leave your partner begging for more. This is a personal favorite to incorporate to edge play. If a male is the receiving partner, edging (facilitated by a little slap) can help with endurance and rhythm. If a female is on the receiving end of the face slap, try to time it right before an orgasm. Feel your partner build and climb into their orgasm, and try the slap before they climax. It sets the stage for multiple orgasms.

Why It Works: The surprise factor blends power and seduction. It also shows confidence, which is an absolute turn-on.

How to Do It Right: Keep it light: a playful tap at first and increase the intensity only if they seem into it. Communication is key—smirk, stare them down a little, and feel out the energy before ramping it up.

Dear reader, consent is non-negotiable. Before diving headfirst into gentle dominance in the bedroom, remember that communication is the first step to any spicy power play. Start with a conversation about what feels exciting for both of you and establish boundaries or safe words. Once you know what they’re into, the real fun begins.

Taking control doesn’t have to look like a dungeon scene from an adult film (unless you want it to). It’s the little things that count—being assertive, making daring yet playful moves, and exuding unshakable confidence. Gentle dominance is about balance—showing your partner you’re in command while keeping their comfort and pleasure as your top priority.

BECOME THE BEST LOVER YOU CAN BE