Throwback Thursday: A Raunchy Christmas Classic

This definitely ain’t Miracle On 34th Street!

Hey, Fleshbot fans! It’s officially December and for some folks, that means their TV is parked on the Hallmark Channel, Lifetime, Netflix, or other purveyors of cookie-cutter fluffy holiday romcoms usually populated by at least one character named Chris, Noel(le), or Holly involving a woman leaving a big city and high powered job for a quaint small town in need of some kind of saving. Some people prefer something a bit…… different. Bad Santa was made for them! Let’s throw it back to 2003 on this Throwback Thursday and check it out!

Bad Santa stars Billy Bob Thornton as the now-iconic role of antihero Willie Soke who works as a mall Santa with his very own elf sidekick, a little person called Marcus (Tony Cox). These two aren’t just taking pictures and handing out candy canes though. They use their Santa gigs as a way to rob stores. Problem is, Willie leads a degenerate lifestyle outside of professional thievery and sometimes his many fuck-ups derail everything, much to the chagrin of Marcus.

Their newest job takes them to Phoenix to the Saguaro Mall where Willie is as drunk and sweary as ever and meets and begins to hook up with Sue, a local bartender, played by Lauren Graham in a decidedly non-Gilmore Girls role. Sue apparently has quite the Santa fetish and despite Willie’s other shortcomings apparently he performs well in the sack. Yes, that’s a Santa joke. He also quite enjoys anal with bigger women in semi-public locations. In Phoenix, Willie also meets an awkward youngster called Thurman Merman (Brett Kelly) and Thurman gets attached quickly, having only his demented grandmother to talk to at home, but dorky Thurman ends up saving Willie’s ass in several ways and gaining more confidence in himself in the process.

I had an uncomfortable realization when watching this movie again that my ex was just early 2000s Billy Bob Thornton but ordered from Temu. Other than that weirdness, I enjoyed watching it again and seeing late greats John Ritter (Bad Santa was his last movie) and Bernie Mac on screen and Octavia Spencer as a hooker called Opal is great. Ultimately, I ended up cheering for Willie when he decided to stop being a complete fuck-up.

Bad Santa 2 was released in 2016 and although it’s not as good (are sequels ever?), Kathy Bates turns in a great performance as Willie’s mother as she, Willie, and Marcus team up to rob a children’s charity at Christmas time.

Bad Santa and Bad Santa 2 are available for streaming (at press time) on Paramount+ as well as free streaming service Pluto TV.