The Weekly Mindfuck: Neuroplasticity

I remembered the first time I heard the phrase "acquired taste." My dad was talking about beer, or maybe it was coffee, something that tasted completely terrible to a six-year-old. I didn't stop to ruminate on the implications at the time, but I do a lot now.

We've learned a lot about the brain in the past hundred years or so; among many other things, we've learned that it's always changing. Always rewiring itself. The neurons are always connecting and disconnecting in new ways. In some ways, that's scary - we have "use it or lose it brains," meaning they're pretty finicky and love to throw things away. It's also amazing - they're changing your brain so that it can adapt to new information and experiences, not just functionally, but physically too. (Take meditation, for example, which changes the cortical thickness of your gray matter.)

So what does a brain that can be reorganized mean for sex? In short, it means that with effort and focus, you can change the way your brain (and consequently, your body) responds to stimuli. You can change what you like and what you don't, what turns you on, and yes - you can acquire new interests as you go. 

Perhaps the most important thing about understanding your personal tastes and physical responses is the vast bulk of them are not nearly as innate as you think they are. They just seem that way. You've learned them somewhere along the way, and they've faded into your subconscious, making you feel as though they've always been there - that they're static. But they're not. 

Sex itself may be a human instinct, but your sexual preferences are always changing and responding to what you feed your brain. Take porn, for example: It has the unprecedented power to tap into your subconscious and make you realize interest you never knew were there, but if dramatically overconsumed, can make responding to real-life sex with real-life partners impossible. Interestingly enough, therapists simply tell their patients struggling with this particular affliction to do a hard reset and stop watching for a month or so. 

Beyond a cautionary tale to make sure we are exposing ourselves to the kind of things we want our neurons to start forming connections around, it gives us the power to adapt, learn, change, and grow. There may be activities your partner is really into and you're really not - but you have a surprising capacity to develop an inclination for it, and vice versa. This doesn't mean you should make yourself like everything, or that you should repeatedly do sex acts you hate, but it does mean one important thing for those of who have sex, watch porn, jerk off, rub one out, masturbate, or power play: 

You can train your brain. Use that wisely, and explore it endlessly.