Only in Florida: That’s No Way To Say Thanks For The Lap Dance

Farts Don't Count As Tips

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

Even though I am not a regular at strip clubs I do know there are a few rules. You should always keep your hands to yourself at all times, don't get too drunk you might be asked to leave, and according to Chris Rock there is no sex in the champagne room. But one should really want to be as respectful as possible anyway. After all beautiful women are taking their clothes off for you. Sure you are paying them to do so, but that doesn't make it any less sexy. And if you decide to get a private lap dance you should be on your best behavior. That last thing you should ever do is fart in a strippers face. Sadly, that happened to a Florida stripper while giving a lap dance to an Australian tourist.

Now I'm sure all of you are wondering how in the world did someone fart in the face of a stripper while getting a lap dance, I too had that same thought. Well, it would seem it took some planning on the tourist part.

According to the assistant manager, the incident took place around 1 AM in the morning, when the club was nearly full. "This guy picked out one of our dancers and asked for a lap dance. She took him to a private room at the back and collected payment first before starting the dance. But halfway through, he suddenly said to her, 'wait a minute, I think this chair is wet,' and that's when it happened."

The assistant manager claims that at this point, the male customer stood up, turned around and 'bent over until his hands were touching his feet'. The female employee was confused at this turn of events, and even moreso when the customer requested that she 'check to see if his pants were wet. As she leaned forward to inspect the man's pants, the customer allegedly 'released gas loudly for a sustained period' directly into the woman's face.

Needless to say that is when the lap dance stopped and the man was kindly escorted out of the building and told never to turn. The unnamed stripper was allowed to go home after the farting in the face incident and didn't have to finish the rest of her shift.

"She told me the smell was really nasty. I think she's definitely gonna have some psychological problems after this," said the assistant manager.

Truer words have never been spoken. No doubt having someone fart in your face is something no one could ever forget.

Hey strippers are people to, people willing to take their clothes off for your enjoyment. If you want to fart in someone's face may I suggest saying that for a family reunion, class reunion, and blind date.

Via Florida Sun Post