Only in Florida: Damn Tree Hugger

Loving Trees Is One Thing, But Sexing Trees...

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

“Those Damn Tree Huggers!” is a phrase that many of us have heard from our elderly family members. Most of the time we just pass it off as “different generations”, because caring and loving the environment and nature can't be all bad. But sometimes that love can go too far, like when you start having sex with trees.  

Residents of a Melbourne, Florida neighborhood noticed a man, Kenneth Crowder, running around naked, proclaiming he was God, and getting intimate with a tree.  

According to a Melbourne police report, Crowder was spotted by witnesses running naked through a Melbourne neighborhood, yelling that he was a god before committing a sexual act on a tree.  

A Melbourne police officer went to the area and confronted Crowder, who was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt, officials said.  

Crowder walked toward the officer in an aggressive manner and identified himself as God, according to police.  

After a bit of a struggle, being tasered a couple of times, declaring himself to be Thor (unknown if he meant the Norse God or the Marvel Superhero) Crowder was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting with violence and assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer.  

It should also be noted that Crowder was high on flakka.   I would call myself an environmentalist, but much as I love nature I’ll keep my twig and berries in my pants. Also, don’t do a drug called flakka.

Via ClickOrlando.com