Size Advantage: How Kelly Shibari Became the First Plus-size Penthouse Model

Penthouse

At 43, Kelly Shibari has become the first plus-size model featured in Penthouse Magazine. This was no accident, the result of superior genetics, nor a deliberate effort by the adult industry to promote a broader spectrum of beauty. This nontraditional performer earned such a prominent place in porn for one primary reason: Kelly Shibari is undeniable.

In 2007, Shibari transitioned from working behind the scenes in mainstream entertainment to posing nude before the camera. Shibari found an industry accepting of her unique look, but not encouraging. She refused to allow the industry and cultural definitions of beauty, to limit the reach of her career. A marketing major, Shibari became a publicity tsunami, constantly imposing her presences on producers and mainstream media outlets. In advocating for herself, Shibari has helped reshape public opinion on what we consider beautiful.

Before the release of her featured pictorial in the January issue of Penthouse (out December 22), I caught up with Shibari to discover how she used her size to dominate an industry built on the superficial.

Shawn Alff: When presenting a diversity of body types, which do you think is more progressive—or at least more likely to take risks: the porn industry or the fashion industry? Which of these industries do you think is more toxic to the psychological development of young women?

Kelly Shibari: I think porn, despite its opposition, is actually much less harmful to young women than fashion. With porn, Rule 34 applies—for those who aren't familiar, it's the notion that if you can think of any subject, there's probably a pornographic product related to it in existence. As a result, even when you say "BBW," you have performers who run the gamut from "chubby" all the way to "SSBBW." There's ableist porn, queer porn, alt porn—again, if you can think it, it probably exists! And if it's not something that's produced by a mainstream porn studio, some indie company or webcam performer is doing it, and representing it. It's so much more diverse than fashion, which consistently tells models they must be within a certain size—even for the plus-size models—and are regularly doing things a lot of people would consider offensive, in the name of "art." (Kylie Jenner in a wheelchair recently is a good example.) Maybe it's because in fashion, you have to wear clothes made by a designer. In porn . . . we're rarely clothed, or if we are, we're not for long. It's a much more honest visual depiction than wearing body shapers and duct tape under your outfit, and hemorrhoid cream under your eyes.

The issue is also important for bigger guys, by the way. I know media is putting a lot of emphasis on plus-size women, but plus-size men are also subjected to insecurities and bullying—and with men, the bullying isn't just about size, it's about masculinity, and they're not allowed to complain or show hurt, because THAT's not masculine either. It's something that really hurts me to see. No one needs to be attacked for their size, and THEN told they're not allowed to express their pain. It's a double whammy that completely sucks, and needs to be made more public.

Penthouse

Shawn Alff: Porn is at least honest in the fact that it has few illusions about being politically correct or socially conscious. It merely tries to turn a profit by feeding popular desires. Do adult magazines have a moral obligation to present more realistic images of women than say, traditional newspapers?

Kelly Shibari: I think adult magazines, like porn, are "obligated" to present fantasy—it's not necessarily about "realistic" imagery. Slender women are real. Fat women are also real. I think an adult magazine like Penthouse is fine for sticking to the mainstream acceptance of what is beautiful. But it's also important for a magazine like Penthouse to acknowledge that for some people, bigger women ARE what is beautiful. And I'll tell you what: Before I got into the adult industry, I thought that very slender women were gorgeous. Now that I've been a plus-size performer for nearly a decade, and seen other plus-size models and performers entering the public eye, I'm finding super-slender women aren't that attractive to ME physically any more. It goes to show you—what you're shown every day directly correlates to your perception of beauty. I'm sure some Penthouse readers might be surprised to see a plus size model between its covers. But I think if they keep looking at it, they might start thinking, "Well . . . that's actually a pretty photo," and that's where we find that foot in the door. I'm not trying to turn Penthouse into a plus-size magazine—I'm just happy that Penthouse has opened themselves up to including a plus-size model, and saying, "This is beautiful too."

Newspapers, on the other hand, are more geared towards, well, news. You're going to see more women of a variety of sizes and shapes in newspapers because the focus is less about beauty and more about news. Entertainment news, though—well, that starts at the magazine and film level . . . which is why oftentimes you see celebrities looking less than photo-perfect in the news.

Shawn Alff: Your place in the adult industry was not created by socially conscious pornographers wanting to promote the idea that big is beautiful for altruistic reasons. This opportunity was partially a consequence of struggling companies searching for new ways to stay viable in an increasingly challenging market. Beyond your natural beauty and your networking skills, what outside factors contributed to you becoming the first BBW model featured in Penthouse?

Kelly Shibari: Thank you so much for being so kind. And you're right—a lot of this was me pounding on doors to be considered by companies who do not have a plus-size product and being patient. Getting a plus-size sex ed film made took four years of pitching a variety of companies before jessica drake and Wicked said yes. Getting Penthouse Forum to consider me for their cover took a solid couple of years. Once that issue sold out as quickly as it did, pitching them to be considered for the main magazine was an easy one—the team at Penthouse were interested from the very beginning. Finding a celebrity art director to work with me took another year, though—we pitched a good handful of people over the past year, and included some people saying yes and higher-ups at the same organization saying no. Persistence, though, prevailed—and Jim Rose said yes straight away.

I like to think in general, the universe made me wait until the perfect fit was made available—whether it was a film project or Penthouse. And I'm certainly prouder of projects that took longer to achieve!

Shawn Alff: How much of what we consider beautiful do you think is genetically programmed versus culturally determined?

Kelly Shibari: I think it's like race—most of it is taught, either at home or out in society. I don't think attraction is genetically programmed—it is certainly taught. Case in point, as I mentioned above, before I got into the adult industry, I thought very slender women were what I was supposed to be attracted to, or have as my personal goal in terms of my own body. Now that I've seen so many other plus-size models and performers entering the public eye, both in porn as well as Hollywood, music, and more, I'm finding super-slender women aren't THAT attractive to ME any more. It goes to show you: What you're shown every day directly correlates to your perception of beauty.

Isabel Dresler

Shawn Alff: To some degree, ideal body measurements are cultural creations-—arger bodies were celebrated in feudal times when weight was associated with opulence. Will we ever reach a healthy balance with body image, or will certain body types always be preferred? Do you think it is more beneficial to strive for social equality or to learn how to use our individual differences to our advantage?

Kelly Shibari: I think it'll be hard for everyone to be accepting of everyone and everything—as humans, we're mostly ego-driven, especially when we're younger. I've found as people get older, most of us seem to change where we place our barometer in terms of attraction. I hope that, over time, the emphasis will be placed more on things like results of blood tests and physical aptitude, rather than a BMI or pounds on a scale.

Historically, yes—larger bodies were celebrated, because it meant you didn't have to work in the fields. It meant all you had to do was sit and eat and order people around. Times aren't that way any more—so many people who "work in the fields" actually sit all day (and night) at a computer.

I'm a big fan of uniqueness—I'm not a fan of cookie-cutter. Why be mediocre? It's not interesting to be like everyone else. I despise sheeple. I like trying to find that weirdness that makes people interesting. I love scars. I adore "flaws." They're what makes a person amazing.

Shawn Alff: You’ve written that the porn industry “is all meant to be fantasy.” What fantasy do you represent?

Kelly Shibari: I represent the "fantasy" that a chubby chick can actually be unrepressed, uninhibited, and gosh darn it, have some fun in the bedroom! And on the kitchen counter, and in the car, and in the hotel room, and . . . and . . . ! It's not really a fantasy for me, but it might be for a guy or girl watching, and that's what matters. My job isn't to have an orgasm on set—my job is to help people have orgasms at home, by putting on the best show I can.

Isabel Dresler

Shawn Alff: Which is more difficult: making it in mainstream porn as a BBW model, or making it in a mainstream field as a porn performer?

Kelly Shibari: These days, I'd say "making it in mainstream as a porn performer." So many mainstream projects—particularly those which rely on mainstream investors and advertisers, such as magazines and television—balk at having a porn performer in their project because they're worried they'll lose advertising dollars. "Girls Next Door," on E!, is a great example—from what I've heard, they were the No. 1 ranked show on that network, but they couldn't find enough advertisers, and they ended up canceling the show. Same goes for the episodic "The Playboy Club." The mainstream public wants to only see the adult industry as a seedy, bottom-feeding business. Most mainstream news coverage of anyone in our industry is such when there is a scandal.

There's also the added negative stigma which mainstream companies want to avoid, which is the potentiality of minors seeing porn performers on television shows. We're only "allowed" to be portrayed as hookers, drug addicts, porn performers (obviously, and usually just playing ourselves), strippers, welfare moms, etc. Music videos and independent films, though, seem to love us, because of the added traffic attributed to having an "edgy" guest on the project.

On the other hand, being in porn as a BBW performer is not difficult—what's difficult is how long you can stay in the industry, how much work you can do, and whether or not you can keep it up as a career. But getting into the industry and doing your first scene really isn't that difficult . . . and even if you aren't hired (because you don't live where the studio is or other reasons), you can always be in the industry as a webcam performer.

Shawn Alff: Do you think your body type gives you an advantage when it comes to being respected as a sex educator and getting your essays on topics like sex work, education, and body image printed by mainstream outlets? Do you think your opinions would be taken as seriously by mainstream media if you had the body proportions of a stereotypic porn performer?

Kelly Shibari: A lot of my discourse has been on body size and confidence, absolutely. I'm not sure if my dialogue would be different if I were "mainstream size." I do know that my story is less about size specifically but more about confidence and dealing with bullying, which resonates with people of every size and ability. Also, I think of myself less as a sex educator and more of a "confidence instigator," haha. My work is less about teaching people how to give an awesome blow job or navigate anal sex—it's more about how to feel better in your own skin and not deal with bullies and trolls—and those are universally relevant topics.

Shawn Alff: What challenges do you think you would face if you woke up tomorrow with the proportions of a stereotypic porn star? What would you miss most about your former physique?

Kelly Shibari: Gosh, that's such a good question! And something I've considered lately due to some unexpected (and certainly unplanned) weight loss. I've noticed when I go to conventions, people don't see me as a BBW performer any more. On some occasions, I've gotten some downright negative comments from girls larger than me. It's unfortunate, because we're ALL bigger than mainstream performers. There should be some mutual support there, but there isn't.

Given that the "mainstream" porn star is shorter than me (5'8"), I'd probably miss my height the most. I'd say my breasts, but many "mainstream" porn stars have implants which are the same size as mine or bigger.

Shawn Alff: You started masturbating at age nine and watching porn at twelve. What type of porn do you masturbate to now? Do you feel pressure to say that you watch BBW scenes?

Kelly Shibari: You know - I've been saying this for the past year or so - I'm now mostly watching hentai porn. Which is interesting, because that's the porn I started with. I think partly, I'm not interested in watching people I know having sex, and I know most porn isn't super authentic. Knowing what goes on behind the curtain is similar to knowing how magic is done - it takes away from the viewing experience. And no, I don't watch BBW scenes, because I honestly don't watch MOST human porn (that sounds so weird to say, but you know what I mean) anyway.

Shawn Alff: Many people’s desires are shaped around the taboo nature of particular sex acts. Is it inevitable that some portion of the population will always be aroused by that which is politically incorrect? Is this a problem?

Kelly Shibari: I don't think it's a problem as long as it's not an impetus to bullying, violence, or other hate-driven behavior. I'd hate to have people tell me it's wrong to watch tentacle porn by the fishermen's union because it's offensive to octopi and squid. Porn is meant to be escapist—as long as those fringe fantasies don't cross over into real life, I think we should be allowed to perv out on weird, unacceptable, and politically incorrect things. Most sane adults are able to keep those things separated from real life.

Shawn Alff: Do you think you have a higher proportion of female fans than more traditional porn performers? If so, do you think this is because real women feel like they can relate to you more easily?

Kelly Shibari: I think I have a higher proportion of couples to singles, actually. It's so nice to hear from a couple where they feel I am built like them. I'm thrilled when a guy/girl who had been hiding their porn-watching from their girlfriend or wife, now is able to watch porn together because the partner now doesn't feel like the porn-watching is somehow a "replacement" for how they are built. When a partner feels that you're not watching porn to "get away" from them, because they're "settling" for them - it's a huge revelation and confidence boost. So yes, I think a lot of it is because they see my chubby body, with parts of my body jiggling, while I'm having so much fun having sex—it can change the way women think about their bodies.

Shawn Alff: Are more people surprised by the fact that someone your size, or someone your age, does porn? Which are you more proud of?

Kelly Shibari: I think that people are surprised that someone who is so even-keeled does porn more than my age or size, LOL. I rarely post naked pics of me on Twitter (and certainly not Facebook), so many people who follow me on social media don't know I'm a performer straight away—they followed me for other reasons (like my nerdiness and dorkiness). I'm a grammar junkie who tends to be pretty logical and not fly too much off the handle. I don't have a drug or alcohol problem. I didn't drop out of high school. I didn't get into porn because of a pimp at 18—I got in when I was 34. I'm 43 now. I have a great relationship with my parents (had with my mom, who passed away from breast cancer about 5 years ago, and still have with my dad). I'm so far removed from what the public considers the "requirements" for being a porn performer that they're often surprised to find out when they Google me, months after starting out their interaction with me . . . and then they're just really happy. I'm like that girl you "wish" you got to see naked because they're so cool . . . and then you find out they DO!

Shawn Alff: In the same way your body was largely determined by genetics, you’ve said that the reason you look so young is because you are half Japanese. Which of these traits do you think has been more advantageous?

Kelly Shibari: I thank my mom every day for my youthful look, for sure. There are plenty of women younger than me who look older than me. My weight may fluctuate, but my face won't change much because of my genetics. For that reason, I think my younger look is to my advantage.

Shawn Alff: You do your own PR in part because few PR companies were willing to represent you. Which would you be more proud to discover played the largest role in your success in porn: your physical appeal or your PR talents? Why?

Kelly Shibari: Oh—that had nothing to do with PR companies not wanting to rep me. That was a comment I've made in the past about talent agencies—I was repped by Jim South at World Modeling when I first got into the industry, but I ended up booking most of my own work. Hiring a publicist was something I didn't want to spend money on, so I just ended up teaching myself how to send out my own media releases and connecting with the photographers and media people on every event and red carpet I attended.

I've always said that beauty is subjective. I think with things like social media, people have developed a sort of "social-media-induced ADD." Doing my own PR and social media and pushing myself to be available to anyone who would interview me, not only helped raise my visibility outside of my niche/genre, as well as get a good look at what the public was wanting—which made me achieve a lot of "firsts," which then added more visibility.

I owe a lot of it to the media outlets who have accepted my pitches, too. Much like the respect I have for male performers, who are expected to have a pop shot in every scene, I have a lot of respect for media outlets—without them, I wouldn't have any visibility. So many performers see photographers and interview requests as a "necessary evil." They get a list of questions, and respond in half-sentences. They're a detriment to their own success, especially in this day and age.

Shawn Alff: As a publicist, how would you market yourself if you took away the BBW angle? Do you think you would have been as successful or as pioneering of a performer without measurements that broke the pornographic mold?

Kelly Shibari: I think I've always included the "BBW" or "plus size" angle because that's how I've been marketed. I'm not "mainstream" size. When I was 20, I really wanted to be a model in a gentlemen's magazine. But I knew I wasn't built the right way. Now, at 43, I was able to parlay the act I AM plus-size into actually being in one of the biggest, most premier gentlemen's magazines in the world. I am so proud of that.

Could I have done these things if I were "just" a mainstream performer? Would I have tried harder if I wasn't an independent, and relied on agents to get me work? Would I have pushed to produce groundbreaking projects? I'm not sure. I do know that after a couple of years into the performing side of the industry, I got bored just doing scenes, which is why I transitioned into social media and marketing work in addition to performing. Would I have gotten bored if I had been with an agency which placed me in really fun feature projects?

It's a good question. I think my nerdy brain wouldn't have allowed me to be "just" a performer, regardless of size. I think, even though I included "BBW" and "plus size" into my marketing, my brand has been less about "just" being a plus-size woman. It's been more about being confident and not being affected by bullies and trolls. And *that* wouldn't have had anything to do with size.

I suppose, in hindsight, confidence and independent thought would have always been my angle.

Keep up with Kelly Shibari on Twitter, @KellyShibari, and see her photo spread in the January issue of Penthouse when it hits newsstands December 22.

Read more by Alfie and contact him via his website, shawnalff.com.