This Is Some Bullshit

Lube is the maple syrup of sex

Dear Ronda: What should a guy NEVER do in bed? What should a guy ALWAYS do in bed? (Asking for a friend.)

For what you should never do: Don’t bite my teeth! If my teeth are repeatedly hitting your teeth, then there’s a problem with what you’re doing. That freaks me out. I don’t like it. It’s terrible. I have a thing about my teeth. Even though I do a sport where I get punched in the face for a living, if your teeth hit my teeth more than a few times, I’m over it already. What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy… and you’re not taking your time.

Ronda's heart is definitely in the right place here. Women take a hot minute to warm up, and you need the appropriate amount of foreplay before you get going. Smashing your teeth together is also bad. Actually, bad kissers in general are a turn off. There's one major thing that's wrong here, though: Claiming that you should never need lube. Lube is not for the lazy or the dry. Lube is for the INFORMED, and I am obviously so passionate about the slippery stuff that I've dedicated an entire post to correcting this faux pas. Much like maple syrup makes pancakes more delicious, lube makes sex a little more intense. (Or if you're a bacon person, I suppose that analogy would work too. Whatever gets you off.)

If you are reading this, Ronda, I implore you: Please try lube just for the hell of it. Just once. It's a magical experience akin to going down a water slide. If you had an orgasm at the bottom of a waterslide.

Let's start by eradicating the word need here. Yes, if a woman is properly wet, you will not need lube. But I remember when one of my best friends told me how much lube changed her sex life when we were both 20 years old. She'd never had trouble without lube, but once she incorporated it into her normal sex life regularly, she said things EXPLODED. She started coming from penetration alone. The slippin' n' slidin' was eve hotter than it usually was. She and her boyfriend were able to have sex longer and switch positions better and faster. Naturally I was like wow, cool, I should try that to. So I did.

And I've never looked back. I use it during oral (see: this handy guide to the flavored kind). I use it with toys. I use it with condoms (which are less likely to break when you use extra lube) and without them. Yes, I will gladly have sex without it, but, like... not if it's within reach, you know? Lube is even useful during fingering, because as a woman, let me tell you: Nothing feels worse than having your clit rubbed dry.

So ladies and gents, you have some homework. If you've never given lube a try, do it for me. Even if you or your partner is as wet as Ariel. Thank you and goodnight.