Three Sex-Related Stories The Media Got Wrong

- Coleen Singer at Sssh.com Porn For Women

As part of my ongoing effort to set the record straight about everything from misunderstood cheese-themed performance artists to innovative yet underappreciated erectile dysfunction experts, I offer you three more sex-related stories the mainstream media has gotten all wrong. 

Bear in mind as you read these stories and my clarifications thereto, you must keep an open mind. Also, always remember you shouldn’t trust anybody when it comes to these stories except me and Randy Quaid; literally everyone else is suspect.

1. Man who fucked mailboxes found dead: The mainstream media appears to have swallowed whole the Wigan Police Department’s take on the death of the infamous local “Mailbox Rapist” Paul Bennett (“His death is non-suspicious so the coroner is now dealing with it”) but to me, this is clearly a massive cover-up. The Wigan Police and other local officials don’t want the public to panic over the presence in their community of vengeful mailbox gangs.

This probably seems unlikely, especially if you’re unaware of the history of gang violence in the U.K., but as you can see in this old news clip from the BBC, this isn’t the first time everyday objects have coalesced into violent criminal organizations.

While I’m not shedding any tears for the Mailbox Rapist, we all know a civilized (excuse me, "civilised") society cannot tolerate vigilantism, even when the victim is someone as blameless, sympathetic and inanimate as an innocent, defenseless mailbox. The media should be holding the police accountable for their laughable fiction of this man’s death being the result of natural causes, not repeatedly kicking his perverse corpse while it’s down.

2. The Randy Quaid "sex video" story: To hear the media and blogosphere tell it, a recent so-called “sex video” made by Randy Quaid and his wife Evi is simply more depressing evidence Randy Quaid has devolved into a paranoid, delusional, ranting, shaggy-bearded fruitcake. Nothing could be further from the truth, because this video is Quaid at his perceptive, insightful, un-medicated best.

First off, it isn't a sex video; it’s an important message about a global conspiracy in which the media itself is a player – along with, evidently, a heretofore unknown law enforcement branch of TMZ. Clearly, the media is intentionally underplaying this aspect of the video, because it’s not as though Randy is being subtle about his point.

“Warner Brothers even had my wife and I falsely arrested six times by TMZ,” Quaid bravely reveals, adding “No, for real. That’s really how it works: hashtag PMCPoliceMediaCorruption!”

Granted, Quaid does have Evi don a Rupert Murdoch mask while he pretends to fuck her from behind, but simulated doggy-style sex does not a “sex video” make. So, why does the media insist on emphasizing the sexual aspect? In this case it’s not just about crafting a good clickbait headline, it’s clearly also done to throw the gullible public off the scent of the massive global conspiracy to take Randy Quaid’s house away from him.

Laugh all you want; if you co-starred with Quaid in “Independence Day,” your house might be next. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Bill Pullman!)

3. The Charlton Athletic Pitch-Fuckers: This is an interesting one, because it started out being seen as a potential scandal, wound up being explained as a publicity stunt that’s part of a marketing campaign, but clearly the video in question involves neither.

Why am I so skeptical of the “official story” here? Simple: I have watched enough shows like “Ghost Hunters,” “Ghost Hunters International,” “Ghost Hunters Academy” and “Ghost Hunters: The Musical” that I know an otherworldly, ghoulish apparition filmed by special, ghost-revealing cameras when I see one. 

This couple is obviously a pair of tortured (and horny) souls doomed to roam the earth until Charlton –currently in 16^th place in the Football League Championship – gets promoted to the Premier League. Obviously, the U.K. media is relishing its role as ‘soothe-sayers’, avoiding the paranormal truth in order to prevent alarming the football-match-attending public!

If it seems like there’s a theme here, it’s because there is. The media doesn’t want you to know the truth, because just like Col. Nathan R. Jessup, they think you can’t handle the truth!

No worries, though, because people like me and Randy Quaid are on the case, keeping the government, the police, Syfy Channel, TMZ and English football clubs honest! We do this not for our personal glory, or as part of any community service “the court” has ordered us to perform, but simply because we’re unafraid to rock the pot, stir the apple cart, and upset the boat in the name of The Truth.

No need to thank Randy or me, by the way: It is absolutely our schizoid and oddly Rupert Murdock-obsessed pleasure!

About Coleen Singer:

Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about Female Friendly Porn, sex, pleasure products, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of Fifty Shades of Grey and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.

Visit Coleen at Sssh.com for more kinky sex news, original movies and h