“Hollywood Heartbreakers” Will Give You Anginas With Their Vaginas

We're not joking, neither. Our hearts skipped a handful of beats when we saw Tori Black pop-up in two scenes in this film. Not one scene, two! However, we don't want you asking yourself, "How long ago were these scenes made?" Instead, ask yourself, "How long until I recover from watching these scenes?" You're going to be a little bedridden.

The way this Live Gonzo stuff works is that Jules Jordan members sign on to a live webcam chat with pornstars and help direct a scene. We can't imagine how a clear vision emerges from a hundred horny voices shout-typing their fantasies at the same time, but watching the action unfold will make you believe in democracy again.

Picture yourself in front of the computer, hands hovering over the keyboard, eyes fixed on Angelina Valentine and Prince Yahshua as they undress each other. What do you ask of them? If you're like us, you'll sit there paralyzed and let them do their thing; maybe you're wasting your time, but there's something to be said for the laissez-faire approach. They're professional, powerful, independent, and Prince knows exactly the best angle for fitting his fat cock in Angelina's pussy and making her squeal. Do you know the angle? You probably don't, but that doesn't mean you have to go out and buy a protractor. You'll be needed for other things. Who will be there to tell Prince to shove his finger in Angelina's asshole while he teases her with the tip of his dick? You will. (Or, more to the point, you weren't, but someone else was and it was captured on film. We're sure you would've given the same direction though. We believe in you.)

In our hearts, we know that at least one fan in every Live Gonzo chatroom made sure to type "PUT IT IN HER BUTT" because that's what the people want to see these days. Lisa Ann is never one to disappoint her fans, and so she allows Erik Everhard to put it in her butt. Would it have gone there without the suggestion? It's a question that will keep us up at night. Personally, we would've been content to watch Lisa ride Erik cowgirl and sneer at the camera as his thick wang hits all the sweet spots inside her. One must learn to strive past contentedness.

Speaking of contentedness, there's a scene in this movie in which Amy Brooke, Aleksa Nicole, and Christie Stevens fuck Ron Jeremy at the same time, but none of the promo pictures shows this foursome in action. We can not live on pretty girl pics alone! We will not be content to imagine how his long dick and strange charms open these girls up! Basically, we have to buy the movie now.

Whatever, we were going to do that anyway. "Hollywood Heartbreakers 2" offers us the chance to see a strange intersection of porn production and consumption, and we can't pass it up.

· Jules Jordan (julesjordan.com)
· Buy "Hollywood Heartbreakers 2" (store.fleshbot.com)