A Post-Apocalyptic Porn Care Package For You!

New York has a long way to go before all of Hurricane Sandy's damage is repaired and many parts of the city (yes, including the places where Fleshbot employees live and work) look like post-apocalyptic wastelands. We don't want to make light of the losses that people have suffered, but we'd like to point out that some people really get off on this End of the World business, and so we're rounding up some of our favorite examples of eschatological erotica.

What is it about catastrophic destruction and the end of humanity that gets people going? Does the idea of repopulating the Earth grab us by the reproductive glands, or do we look to sex as a way to normalize life in an otherwise strange world? Hopefully, the following films will give us some insight into the issue; if not, then at least we'll know what to prepare our libidos for come Armageddon.

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Melancholia
How do you prepare yourself for the Earth's collision with a rogue planet? Well, if you're the infinitely depressed Justine (Kirsten Dunst), you lie naked on the ground and stare up at your doom with lust in your eyes. What else can you do? You could panic, but why? Also, this scene is gorgeous, and a lot of its power comes from the Wagner playing the background. Wagner: good for any occasion, great for absolutely horrible occasions.

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The Day
If we survive the End of the World--assuming there's one big end and not just a slow slide--we don't think we'll ever want to be naked again. Seriously. Maybe it's just us, but movies like "The Road" and "Mad Max" make the world look crazy grimy, and we'd rather just collect that dirt on our clothes instead of our bodies, thank you.

Still, in the moment, we'll probably do anything for a nice shower, even one made out of rainwater dripping through a crack in the ceiling of a decrepit house, and Shannyn Sossamon is showing us the way. Hygiene is important, folks!

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Logan's Run
We know the world of "Logan's Run" doesn't look anything like the burnt-out craggy death desert we're used to seeing in post-apocalypse movies, but as the title cards tell us, "the survivors of war, overpopulation and pollution are living in a great domed city, sealed away from the forgotten world outside," so it fits with our theme. Here, sex is available at all times by dialing up babes on "the Circuit" or walking into special orgy rooms filled with aphrodisiac gas. In this example, the erotic edge doesn't come from some desperation or passion, but is part of the ways that the society's architects make the citizens quiet and complacent. Unrelated note: Michael York's delivery on "Let's have sex" is flawless.

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Teenage Caveman
Yeah, it's pretty much all about leaving your dumpy destroyed suburban tribe for a nice clean dystopia where sex and drugs flow freely. That seems to be the only way to get by in the future, and that's what our young heroes do in this 2002 TV movie made by Larry Clark. Since some of the sexy teens getting it on in this clip are actually genetically altered beasts who can live forever in the virus-ridden wasteland, it's important to remember that post-apocalyptic nudity works a lot like horror nudity in that it enhances the viewer's feeling of vulnerability.

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The 8th Day
And now for something hardcore! Kayden Kross lies down in a sleep chamber and wakes up after the world's civilizations have all crumbled. First the electricity went, then animals died, people struggled with reproduction, and finally mutants started showing up, and now clans and tribes and warlords are carving up whatever's left. Naturally, since this is porn (one of our all-time favorites, by the by), there's banging all over the place, but we really appreciate the variety of sex on display: there's Kayden's "Welcome to the Future" sex, sex in a slave market, sex used to cleanse a woman's body of all traces of technology, BDSM, an orgy, and (seen above) some feral cat ladies going at it under the moonlight. There's sand and cryo-goop everywhere, but it's comforting to think that sex will always be as freaky and varied as it is now.

The Return of Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls
Damn, you know what just occurred to us? There won't be any obscenity laws when the world ends! That's kinda cool, right? Well, at least babes like Surgeon Scofflaw, Billy Rough, and Sophia St. James won't have to worry about filming themselves fisting and pissing on each other in airplane graveyards. Aesthetically, this movie draws from the same desert universe that "The 8th Day" does, but with less polish and a smaller budget, it ends up looking a lot more raw and wild. This is especially true when you see the characters met out punishment to each other--punishment that involves pegging--and you really get the sense that lawlessness inspires vicious vigilantism in every surviving human.

[Above and at top: a still from The Return of Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls]