Phoenix Marie Makes Me Wish I Were Black

Phoenix Marie ditches her husband to make a play for a very appreciative Mr. Marcus in "Housewives Gone Black 14." Maybe it isn't a post-racial America after all.

I enjoy all of the privileges of being a white man in America: Sunburns get me more sympathy, tattoos show up better (even that stupid "One ring to rule them all" around my bicep), and Jehovah's Witnesses have given up on me. But seeing Phoenix Marie turn her lamps on Mr. Marcus, I'd give it all up.

Apparently she's in a business partnership with her absent husband, and needs to check out some paperwork Marcus is carrying. Dressed in a short skirt, low-cut blouse, and glasses and a ponytail to keep it aboveboard, PHX still can't help but show physical affection to telegraph her satisfaction with the orderliness of his documentation.

Mr. Marcus, meanwhile, shows he's happy to be there while not dropping his cool demeanor.

"That's exactly the way I'd behave if Phoenix Marie complimented my paperwork while stroking my arm and shoving her boobs down my throat," I thought. "Next time someone does that, I will act more like Mr. Marcus and less like Jerry Mathers."

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· Buy "Housewives Gone Black 14" (tlavideo.com)