We Wonder Why “Wonder Woman XXX” Is So Lame

Look at the ingredients: Tori Black as Wonder Woman, an Iraqi plot to learn the secrets of the American porn industry, Mikey Butders and Anthony Rosano with silly mustaches. Why didn't this work?

Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody

Studio: Hardcore Parody (Mile High Media)
Director: Ashlynn Brooke
Cast: Tori Black, Carolyn Reese, Diamond Foxxx, Gracie Glam, Bill Bailey, Ralph Long, Mikey Butders, Anthony Rosano

"Wonder Woman XXX" suffers from some of the same problems that "Red Riding Hood XXX" did: misspellings, terrible acting, and a criminally underused titular character.

Most of the time and energy that goes into this movie is spent drawing out the overly elaborate (though somewhat amusing) plot. Iraqi Anthony Rosano sends Iraqi Mikey Butders to Chatsworth, California, to steal porn production secrets with the help of a military spy, Carolyn Reese. Mikey's plane crashes on Wonder Woman's island, where her mother, Diamond Foxx, cares for the boy and sucks him dry. Mikey goes on his way, ends up working on a porn set with Gracie Glam and Bill Bailey, and starts learning about smut. Wonder Woman follows him to California, tells General Ralph Long, and they bust Anthony, Mikey, and Carolyn.

My biggest beef with Ms. Brooke's movie has to be the mishandling of Wonder Woman. It's not Tori's fault at all—she's adorable yet powerful and she always fucks her heart out—it's just that she only has one sex scene. Just one! Carolyn Reese has two, and while it's wonderful watching Mikey and Anthony spit roast her and jizz all over her tits, it's not what we signed up for. Hell, Mikey Butders gets two sex scenes as well; we watch his antics more than any other character. If Ashlynn wants to make "The Mikey Butders Show" a reality, I'm 100% willing to watch (it'll be like hardcore "Conan").

Part two of this beef is nerd beef: what's up with Wonder Woman's powers? The girl gets such a short bit of time to shine in this movie, and from the moment she changes into her sassy, star-spangled costume to the minute Ralph Long deposits his load in her mouth, she ought to pack in as many comic and cartoon references in as possible. Sadly, the only power Wonder Woman shows off is the ability to make people fall asleep by touching their foreheads. That's it. Do you know how many powers Wonder Woman has had over the years? More importantly, where was the golden lariat? How can they not take advantage of the bondage angle?

The only redeeming part of "Wonder Woman XXX" is the way Gracie Glam and Bill Bailey make fun of stereotypical porn talk. "Do you like my dress?" "Oh... Yes! Do you like my underwear?" "They're nice!" and so on. They deliver a good brief laugh and then slowly segue into a genuinely hot scene, complete with super sloppy piledriver pussy eating.

We wanted to like this, really! It seemed to have so much going for it, and after all, Tori Black is so gosh darn sexy when she plays a superhero (as we learned in "Pornstar Superheroes"). Maybe Ashlynn needs to step back from the parody game and focus her guidance on gonzo instead.

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Tori Black and Ralph Long
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Carolyn Reese, Mikey Butders, and Anthony Rosano
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Carolyn Reese, Mikey Butders, and Anthony Rosano
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Carolyn Reese, Mikey Butders, and Anthony Rosano
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Carolyn Reese, Mikey Butders, and Anthony Rosano
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Carolyn Reese, Mikey Butders, and Anthony Rosano
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Carolyn Reese, Mikey Butders, and Anthony Rosano
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Carolyn Reese
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Diamond Foxx
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Diamond Foxx and Mikey Butders
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Gracie Glam and Bill Bailey
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