Get Your Ass Kicked (And Maybe Licked) By The “Pornstar Superheroes”

What do evil immortal scientists and Nazi eugenic programs have to do with super sexy telekinetic bitches who will save your life and then screw you to death? Apparently lots!

Pornstar Superheroes

Studio: Elegant Angel
Directors: Graham Travis and William H.
Cast: Tori Black, Kristina Rose, Asa Akira, Sadie West, Michael Stefano, Mick Blue, Manuel Ferrara, Keni Styles, Steve Holmes, Zoe Voss

"Pornstar Superheroes" isn't as cool as it tries to be, but it's pretty damn spectacular anyway. It incorporates elements of X-Men lore, Nazi programs gone awry, comic book pacing, and even throws a dash of Tarantino in for good measure. Of course, the strongest part of "Pornstar Superheroes" is the casting: Tori Black, Kristina Rose, Asa Akira, and Sadie West are already superhuman goddesses, so this movie fits them perfectly.

A bit of backstory explains that "The Meta Humans"—gifted individuals with super strength, speed, intelligence, and other powers—were the indirect product of Nazi eugenics and experimentation (with a bit of Lebensborn flavoring). After that bit of cheery crawling backstory, the first chapter of the film begins. We follow an LAPD detective searching for the vigilante crime fighter known as "The Silhouette" (a.k.a., Tori Black). He interrogates businessman Michael Stefano, who describes being beat up by thugs and rescued by the black vinyl vixen.

However, Michael leaves out the part where Tori Black takes him back to her lair and spills her breasts out of her catsuit and into his mouth. She digs her nails into the crotch of her costume and splits it open, gasping as Michael's hands quickly take advantage of the vulnerable skin. In that small, shadowy cell, Tori and Michael both seem to have superhuman strength, flinging each other around, sucking and rimming until he bursts into her open mouth.

In the second chapter, Asa Akira (a.k.a., "Dragon Belle") plays bodyguard to small time criminal Mick Blue. When a deal with some Asian mafia goes awry, Asa pulls a Gogo Yubari in her schoolgirl outfit and goes to town on the thugs with a spiked flail. To show his gratitude, Mick bends Asa over the bar and eats her out. After a thorough fuck on a flimsy bar stool, they fall asleep suddenly. When Asa wakes up, Mick has been kidnapped.

Chapter number three focuses on Kristina Rose (a.k.a, "The White Menace"), a telekinetic assassin experimented on/trained by the military. She guns down an entire platoon of mafia thugs in order to rescue Anthony Rosano and barely breaks a sweat. However, when she gets a moment alone with Anthony at the safe house, things get wet and crazy. The way Anthony tongues her pussy as they 69 sends Kristina into a spastic frenzy—perhaps dredging up some of the electroshock treatment the military doctors gave her. Kristina opens her ass for Anthony, working his cock until he creams inside her (this too is also known as "The White Menace"). We'd like to note that Anthony manages to not sweat everywhere in this scene; hooray for him!

It's not perfectly clear what Sadie West's powers are (firestarting? telepathic suggestion? being too attractive?), but in chapter four, she faces (er, fucks) the soulless shell of Manuel Ferrara. Standing the whole time, Manuel manages to fuck Sadie silly: he fingers her ass, massages her clit, and flat out punishes her pussy with his massive meat. This chapter is the most confusing in terms of storyline, but it hardly matters.

By the fifth chapter, it's clear that everything evil in the world is the product of one shmuck named Dante Methusalem and the academy where he trains bad Meta bitches. Asa and Kristina—former students who took different paths—should destroy each other, but they agree to team up and fight Methusalem. As Asa changes into something leathery and badass, Kristina reminisces about the time she and Asa fucked one of Methusalem's henchmen.

This flashback is—hands down—the hottest scene in "Pornstar Superheroes." Wearing "Eyes Wide Shut"/Cirque du Soleil style masks, the girls approach the henchman (Steve Holmes), rub their masked faces against his cock, and take turns with blowing him. He wraps his tie around their throats and his back, trapping their wet mouths against his body. Holmes is forceful and just barely abusive, but Kristina and Asa constantly want more. Steve holds his feet against their faces as they try to crawl towards him. When they finally mount his lap, he choke-fucks Asa as Kristina rubs her clit. Finally, they suck and rim him till he climaxes. It's unbelievable.

Chapter six is mercifully short, but densely packed with fighting, expository dialogue (some of which already covered), and special effects. Keni Styles gives a long speech, and then it's To Be Continued and goodnight.

Long review short: the non-sex parts of "Pornstar Superheroes" reduce what could've been an amazing movie into a somewhat confusing prequel for "Pornstar Superheroes 2." Certain issues—indeed, most of the things Sadie West mentions in her chapter—are so vaguely developed that a sequel seems inevitable.

In my opinion, it seems like Elegant Angel hesitated between the realms of action film, comic book, and campy superhero show. Perhaps picking one of those directions would've been best.

And on another note, why doesn't anyone use superpowers during sex? I know they're pornstars first and superheroes second, but can't Kristina make someone telekinetically cum? Or can't Tori use her superstrength to toss Michael's salad while holding him in the air? Don't get me wrong, "Pornstar Superheroes" is a fantastically hot film (and definitely worth the price), I just feel that Elegant Angel isn't taking full advantage of this universe.

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Buy "Pornstar Superheroes" (gamelink.com)
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Buy "Pornstar Superheroes" (gamelink.com)
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Buy "Pornstar Superheroes" (gamelink.com)
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