Onward, Hanna Hilton: Future Jobs For The Retired Vivid Girl

Though we're sad to see Hanna Hilton go, we know great things will come her way. In this day and age, there's nothing a strong, independent woman can't do.

It is with both a tear and a salute that we present some possible careers for Hanna. No matter what she does, she's going to look good doing it.

Student?
Maybe Hanna will go back to school. Advancing your education is always a solid idea. Bonus: if she goes to NYU, she could room with Lorelei Lee! Ah, we have dreams.
Busty Cafe
Bartender?
Like porn, the hospitality industry always has work to offer, and Hanna would fit right in. Admit it: you love getting drunk and hitting on the bartender who's way out of your league. It's ok. Us too.
Aziani.com
Personal Trainer?
The girl knows how to stay in shape, and as you can see, she'd be excellent at motivating clients. Could Hanna work a sports bra? The real question is if the sports bra could contain Hanna.
HannaHilton.com
Laundromat Operator?
Pornstars get messy, it's just the name of the game. It wouldn't be surprising if Hanna were equipped with a powerful stain-battling solution. She could even be the next Billy Mays!
FreeOnes
Writer?
What do pornstars think about during sex? Do they zone out? Perhaps all that time the cameras were rolling, Hanna was constructing the next great American novel. At the very least, she could write a tell-all expose or shocking autobiography.
HannaHilton.com
Painter?
To our knowledge, there aren't too many pornstars crossing over into the visual arts. However, Madison Young runs the Femina Potens Art Gallery in San Francisco, and Penny Flame went back to painting after leaving the skin biz, so maybe Hanna could try her hand at painting, sculpting, or performance art. She is, after all, an able performer.
Penthouse.com
Astronomer?
It's a big universe out there, and there's a lot to be discovered. Maybe Hanna could be responsible for discovering new life, and finding out what kinky stuff they're into. Diplomacy is important when dealing with aliens.
Twistys
Chef?
Hanna already knows how to show a gorgeous spread, so all she would have to do is go to culinary school. She'd be at the top of her class at the Cordon Bleu, make a(nother) name for herself at a hip New York restaurant, and before you know it, she'd be standing next to Bobby Flay and Masaharu Morimoto as Iron Chef Pornstar of Kitchen Stadium.
HannaHilton.com
Chimney Sweep?
This job wouldn't make any sense. We just have a slight thing for Dickensian situations involving hot girls and fireplaces. But you know what? Being a chimney sweep isn't so bad. Nowadays, their jobs involve all domestic heating appliances, and we bet Hanna knows how to keep people warm. Factoid: chimney sweeps are considered good luck in many countries.
BlueFantasies.com
Yogi?
Flexibility, stamina, focus: these are qualities that transfer well from porn to yoga (and back again). This has nothing to do with tantric sex, kama sutra, or anything like that. Our vision of Yogi Hanna Hilton involves her fully-clothed, scruffy, and somewhere in Nepal.
Real Wife Stories
Tobacconist?
Smoking is a harmful vice and we would never recommend it to anyone. That being said, we were already delightfully addicted to Hanna Hilton, and now we have to quit her cold turkey. We're hoping she opens a tobacco shop so we can turn one obsession into another.
Hanna Hilton
Bullrider?
See: Yogi. Replace "Nepal" with "Texas."
Busty Solos
Rockette?
No pornstar is an island; it takes co-operation, patience, and a great deal of choreography to make things look good for the cameras. Add some more fanfare and clothing to it, and you've got yourself a chorus line. Side note: has anyone considered This Ain't The Rockettes XXX?
Penthouse.com
National Symbol?
Even though her porn career was brief, she was remarkably well known. With a few more years under her belt, she could've been a national sensation. But, as we've been saying all along, she's young and talented, and she will rise to stardom. Maybe some fledgling nation will adopt her as its national symbol, and we'll be super embarrassed to be stuck with that bald eagle.
FreeOnes
Catwoman?
Really, put some ears on that thing, add a whip, maybe some underwear (maybe), and Hanna could be robbing museums by tomorrow night. If Batman took one look at her, he'd hang up his wings and start working for Kink.com (with apologies to Robin).
House of Taboo