Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Ultra Wabi

"Arousal, Will Robinson."

Marital Aids that look like they came from Space are an important part of our cultural footprint. Now, a Japanese company called Erotic Embrace has unleashed its Wabi series of vibrators, a group that is not only phthalate free but also hewn from a substance new to the world of adult novelties: Elastomer!

Read more after the gap.

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Like the favored poison in a James Bond film, Elastomer fans praise it for being "non-porous, and odorless, with no taste." Indeed, the Wabi we received is not one of those discreet bits of erotic machinery one can secret in her handbag and rub one out with on the train. Instead, it looks almost exactly like the robot in "Lost in Space", but for your vagina.

"You really have to commit to something like that," our test subject said. "It's not the little cool accessory. You almost have to walk around with it hanging out of your vadge, because there's no hiding it."

The Wabi's business end is neither flaccid nor turgid, and it does feel like some ridged packing material rather than the Cyberskin oily rigidness we're used to. But it does the job.

"At first it felt flimsy," our subject said, "and it does have a flimsy base. But the vibration is solid and there isn't the smell or residue like some of that other stuff you gave me."

"Let's not be graphic. It's not that kind of site."

"I'm just saying I'm going to keep this one."

· Buy the Wabi (joyhollywoodwholesale.com)