DVD Review: “Amy Fisher Caught on Tape”

What we want "Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape" to be is a tender document of Married Love. Alas, Fisher and husband Lou Bellera separated soon after this video was made, so the story goes, and now Fisher is reportedly canoodling anew with Joey Buttafuoco, so this video is more like Let It Be, a posthumous snapshot of a once-great relationship.

But, Reader, it is our nation's greatest celebrity sex tape. Read our review after the gap.

Amy Fisher Caught on Tape

Studio: Red Light District

Director: Lou Bellera

Cast: Amy Fisher, Loe Bellera, The Spirit of Long Island

Review by: Gram Ponante

Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape is the greatest celebrity sex tape ever made. It's like an Adam & Eve MILF movie because Fisher is actually a mom and her partner in several scenes, Bellera, is a gray-haired dude in his late fifties, which is central casting fodder for guys in instructional videos. A less sensational title would be "How to Use Viagra And Porn Language to Stimulate Your Ex-Con Trophy Wife".

Fisher is, without a doubt, a porn star. I am still sorting whether she is suing distributor Red Light District for copyright infringement in releasing the video (I bet everything is perfectly legal and that spectral lawsuits make the movie sell faster), but she knew the camera was on, posed, and performed several mainstream porn-worthy scenes regardless of whether she knew how the tape would be distributed.

Because she knew the tape would be distributed.

Who Is Amy Fisher?

Amy Fisher was a 16-year-old high school student when she met married mechanic Joey Buttafuoco in 1991. They began a sexual affair soon after she brought her car to Buttafuoco's Long Island garage and, more than a year later, Fisher shot his wife, Mary Jo, in the face as retaliation for Joey not leaving her for Fisher. Fisher served seven years in prison for this, Mary Jo was disfigured but recovered, and Joey did four months for statutory rape. Later, he and Mary Jo divorced.

Bellera is sometimes credited as a TV producer but I cannot find his name on various TV databases. Regardless, he clearly did his porn homework. Fisher does several porn-standard scenes, including solo, B/G, and light fetish. Whether or not she was a prostitute, she performs like a champ.

Bellera is not the best cameraman or dialogue partner, preferring stationary shots, but he can't be blamed because it's just the two of them and a tripod. But Fisher is clearly the better porn raconteur:

BELLERA: Yeah, baby. Wow! You are so hot. Unbelievable.

Better to just say nothing, Lou. But Fisher has the patter down:

FISHER: I want you to come fuck me. I want your hot come all over my tits.

Sold me. The only way this movie could have been better is if a bonus scene featured Boston's Tyler Faith and Fisher in a porn version of the Red Sox/Mets 1986 World Series.

The next few weeks will reveal whatever sordid or useless stories there are of how the tape came to light, but as a porn movie, Amy Fisher, Caught on Tape is leagues better than the efforts of Screech, Paris, Colin Farrell, Your Mom, Pam Anderson I & II, and Kim Kardashian. It's just delightful that it's not disappointing. I feel like things are finally becoming right again.