Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Japanese Silk Love Rope (Made In China)

As a dead white male, I am fascinated by the mysteries of the Orient. Why are their ghosts so angry? What's so great about Shonen Knife? How do they get their panties so white? That is why I welcomed the opportunity to try out two products from a concern called Japanese Silk Love Rope (hecho in China).

We have reviewed an impressive amount of sex toys here at Fleshbot. Some are practical, like the various alterna-pronged dildos we receive, and some are ornamental. In the latter category are found the sort of things that might be given as joke gifts at bachelor or bachelorette parties.

But most marital aids we get for review are ornamental and practical, with the practicality being universal (most of us share an essential shape, with minor adjustments) and the ornamentation depending on the proclivities of the user. Thus some things come in pink and others are black, black, evil black.

A buxom and alluring anime girl reclines on the packaging of both Japanese Love Rope products, a blindfold and cuffs kit and a ball gag. She has small feet and exposed panties. She can't help but bite her finger at the sight of you.

While these are clearly novelty gifts, neither is likely to break easily. Regardless, these are not porn-grade products. If I were to bring the purple ball gag or pink "silk" rope to Uber Ego or Kink.com, well, I can't imagine the punishment I would have inflicted on my person for my lack of BDSM street cred.

Yet real people must use this sort of thing, because accompanying each product is an informative booklet that stresses safety, safewords, basic rope techniques, and toying with equilibrium.

At the office we were able to successfully tie and gag several visitors, each of whom asked us not to tell anyone from the too-cool-for-school fetish community.

"If somebody saw me in a pseudo-silk purple ball gag ensemble," one piercing enthusiast said, "I'd get my ass kicked. And not in a good way."

I don't care what color your ball gag is; Japanese Silk Love Rope lady, I wanna marry you.

· Japanese Silk Love Rope Ball Gag (seaofpleasure.com)
· Japanese Silk Love Rope Blindfold & Cuffs Kit (sugardvd.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive