Marital Aid Test Kitchen: Variations’ Captivity Ankle Cuffs

Listen: you can have your Sybians and Cronenbergian love robots, but every now and then, just to recalibrate one's idea of what is naughty, one should whip it out and cockslap one's partner or use something like these comparatively prosaic ankle cuffs. It achieves the same effect as throwing a twenty on your wife's dresser, and costs about as much! Read our review after the gap. - GP

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I wasn't aware that Penthouse made toys, especially toys based on a magazine section I remembered from stealing my brother's copies of the mag years ago, but I thought it was sweet that restraint cuffs are still considered "Variations". It would be like me saying that drinks were "optional" with breakfast (catch me in Atlantic City all week with my comedy and song stylings).

What is important for marital aid cuffs of any kind is that they are not only both safe and comfortable but also appear badass. This is difficult when the cuffs in question are covered in fur. But at least the Captivity Ankle Cuffs are fairly solid underneath, with actual chain links rather than canvas bands joining them. While the chains are not strong enough for Guantanamo they would not have been out of place at Private Lindy England's Abu Ghraib.

About 30" of chain separates the cuffs, allowing for easy access to the captive. I regret to say, however that I broke my pair with my hands while trying not too hard to break my pair with my hands. I took both cuffs, pulled, and the chain broke.

The moral is that wanting to get away isn't the point.

· Buy "Variations' Captivity Ankle Cuffs" (ecrater.com)
· Topco Sales (topcosales.us)

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive