Fleshbot’s Top Ten Sex Toys of 2006

Let's face it: the reason why you tend to see a lot of "Best Of" lists and year-end roundups on blogs during the week between Christmas and New Year's every year is because it's traditionally a slow news week, and we're most bloggers of our acquaintance are invariably much too lazy and/or hung over to spend much energy coming up with much original content. But we like to think this list of our ten favorite sex toys of 2006 serves a higher purpose—even though several of them have been blogged extensively here and elsewhere over the last twelve months, we'd never be able to respect ourselves in the new year if we knew that there remained even a few of you out there who didn't already know about ... er, the items you'll see revisited here. See how much we care? (Well, that plus the fact that we're hung over and lazy this week.)

Check out ten ways to use up all your leftover gift certificates and returned gift credit this year after the jump.

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10. OhMiBod + iBuzz + iGroove Panties

2006 will undoubtedly be remembered as the year iPods jumped out of your ears into other parts of your body. The Zune might have a head start as a sex toy pervertable due to its rubberized coating, but somehow we don't imagine it taking off in quite the same way—mostly because it's hard to rhyme the word "Zune" with anything that sounds remotely dirty. (PS - Why hasn't anyone noticed the potential use of the new iPod shuffle as a high tech nipple clamp yet?)

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9. Kochi Japanese Anime Doll

Luckily the No Liquids or Gels rule went into effect after I'd jetted away to vacation with my Kochi Japanese Anime Doll. I'm just saying.

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8. King Kong Dildo

This 10-lb. 21" long purple dildo was probably what Father Lancaster Merrin had in mind when he said "I think the point is to make us despair. To see ourselves as... animal and ugly. To make us reject the possibility that God could love us." Also, it is bigger than a cat.

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7. The Tongue Tingler

In order to keep the apparatus from looking like a limp couple of pieces of elastic and a vibrating nub in the package, the plastic is molded into "I, Robot" shape to present a spectral image of the cunnilinguist you, the consumer, are to become.

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6. Talking Head Vibrators

Four out of five Fleshbot staffers we discussed this with expressed some discomfort with the idea; as one of them put it, "Having someone whisper sweet nothings in my ear is one thing, but hearing my lover's voice come out of my pussy while I'm trying to get off is just plain creepy."

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5. The Dil-Stick

Less a sex toy and more of a class action lawsuit waiting to happen, we still applaud the development of any sex toy that everyone can enjoy ... male or female, gay or straight. As long as they have good balance, that is.

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4. Squirting Strap-On Dildo

Like other sex toys, this gadget, which consists of a hard latex dong of about six inches and some strapping-on material, comes with no instructions. On the one hand, perhaps how to get liquid into it should be obvious. On the other hand, maybe there is some liability issue that would be served by not being too graphic.

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3. Vibra-Cherries

We still don't know where these are available for sale. But that hasn't stopped us from watching the commercial for them hundreds of times this year anyway while hoping they'll turn up in our local Whole Foods any day now.

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2. The Cone

Looking vaguely Cronenbergian despite its pinkness, The Cone most resembles the left entry in a 50's Sweater Girl's bullet bra, except it vibrates at several speeds and how uncouth would it have been to back into Bettie Page that way?

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1. George Bush Butt Plug

Butt plugs may come and go, but it is a rare occurence indeed when a sex toy so fully embodies the very spirit of our times. This, friends, is one of them.

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Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive, Scary Holiday Sex Toy Gift Suggestions, Top Ten Sex Toy Patents, Fleshbot's Sexy Holiday Gift Guide Guide