Best of Sex Advice

Some people cower in the face of societal taboos, living lives of shame and ignorance in the shadows of their unreconciled desires; some sneak around in rain coats or in seedy back-alley chat rooms looking for illicit action; and others do what they feel and feel what they do and deal with whatever guilt and/or anxiety (or lack thereof) may come. Everyone else becomes sex columnists. Like a rebellious 16-year old who pumps up the Wu Tang when mom screams "Turn that shit off!", I think of sex columnists as overcompensating types who've taken it upon themselves to push the envelope and remind us that there are still those out there who are too inhibited to talk openly about what they do or don't want in bed. Through the magic of out-of-context quoting, we bring you a highlight reel of the week
s best questions and answers—a selection that should tickle your fancy (in the car?) and turn on your love light (repeatedly).A. Tolesco

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AskIsadora.com, Ask Isadora
In response to the man whose wife doesn
t like for him to tickle her feet: I, too, have a foot tickling fetish. I have been married for 14 years and lived with my wife for four years before that. I tickle her feet every day. Can you imagine having your feet tickled every day for the past 18 years? Anyway, your suggestion of a horse trade is brilliant. I do that with my wife all the time. Once a month I take her to the nail salon for a pedicure. She loves the attention she gets at the salon. I even pay the girl extra if she tickles my wife
s feet. On the way home I have my wife sit in the back seat with her feet on the arm rest of the front seat and tickle her feet all the way home. We also place bets with each other: if she wins she gets to do whatever she wants to me; if I win, I get to tickle her feet for 5 minutes. My wife is always late for everything. If I tell her she has to be ready at a certain time and she is late I tickle her feet 1 minute for every 2 minutes that she is late. Maybe this is a system to help this poor guy out.

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Philadelphia City Paper, Paper Doll
Assholes never lie, and the fact that Ex's was all clenched up meant it wasn't ready. "Wait until his mangina winks at you," advises one gay buddy. "You gotta coax it open before you can dive in."

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Eye Weekly, Love Bites
Translation: dear Sasha, please give me ammunition to fling at my disgusting boyfriend who took advantage of reluctant and cheap sex labour in a foreign country. Before you hitch up that high horse, Miss Stacey, you may want to look around the house at all the products you buy that were created through low-cost youth labour in third-world countries. Just because you didn't finger-fuck the person who made them does not make you a barometer of moral rectitude.

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Time Out Chicago, In & Out
The problem I am experiencing is not exactly sex-related, and yet it clearly affects and worsens my sex life with my husband. We have been together for several years and even before we married, I knew that he had problems with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). At times he has been an obsessive hand washer. At other times he has had to go back inside and check to make sure that the stove is turned off (sometimes even more than once while we are trying to leave the house to go out). Other times he turns light switches on and off. The way that his OCD affects our sex life is this: He now has to turn the light switch on and off for an even number of times before going to bed. If it was only during the day that he did this, it might annoy me a little bit, but it probably would not change sex for us. Unfortunately, since we primarily are a couple who enjoys sex at night before we go to bed, the even-numbered light switching makes me think
my husband is so weird
right before bed. Not exactly a turn-on. It is really making me find him not sexy, and if I don
t find him sexy, then I don
t want to have sex. Thoughts or ideas on this one?

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Stuff Magazine, Sex Spy Sex Talk
While some of these no-fun Johnnies and Johnettes could actually be suffering from hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), it stands to reason that many of them could simply be in-denial folks who are laid over between Straightville and Gaytown
much of the time, supposed asexuals can
t or won
t admit that they
re actually as gay as a tandem bike ride to a picnic. So while it is possible that your gal pal is legitimately a no-sexer, there
s a better chance she
s actually a lesbian-in-waiting. Or, then again, maybe you
re just ugly.

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Nerve.com, Miss Information
Don't worry about whether it's normal. There's no entry for that word in the dictionary of sex. That page was ripped out long ago and used by some guy to wipe monkey semen off his rubber thong.

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Thumbnail via The Virtual Typewriter Museum: Vintage Typewriter Erotica