Vanilla Is Sweet, But Kinky Is Delicious

All around the world, people are hungry for more than vanilla sex. Yes, I know it’s impossible to define precisely what that means, but we can all agree on what isn’t vanilla. It’s mathematically possible because “vanilla sex” means it’s statistically normal. I hate the word “normal” because there’s a negative stigma to saying someone or something is abnormal. But, as a psychologist, I take it as a compliment. Being abnormal isn’t necessarily bad; it’s most likely not. But there’s no way I’m not getting offended if someone calls me ordinary. EEK!

Before the birth of Psychology, nobody was thinking about what was perverse, kinky, and non-normative because we didn’t know what was!

There was no “default” or “correct” sexuality that we “freaks” could be compared to. But, as these ideas and theories made their way into literature, anthropology, and sociology, we started understanding the world through the categories and labels we created to explain who we are.

We are now slaves to these labels and categories. We use them to try to understand what is “right” and “wrong,” but that does not apply to sex where the only wrong thing is not having consent from everyone involved.

Kinks have been built into the very fabric of the sexual experience since dawn, and people have been kinky for as long as they’ve been having sex. If we consider a kink any “alternative” sexual practice, kink has always been a part of human sexuality worldwide. From ancient Greek orgies to genital piercings in the Kama Sutra, people have always been interested in things we wouldn’t consider normal today.

Source: NBC News (https://www.nbcnews.com/id/wbna47418532#.WqNimGc6u4J)

Some of the world’s earliest known cave art in southeastern France features multiple engraved and painted images of female sexual organs. ­­The researchers who found and studied the artwork believe the engravings were on a shelter’s low ceiling, which certainly means it was “normal.”  The artists are likely from the Aurignacian culture, which existed until about 28,000 years ago.

Source: Smithsonian (https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-cave-art-debate-100617099/)

Other Aurignacian artwork dating to at least 35,000 to 40,000 was found in a southwestern German cave. It depicted a woman with “large projective breasts, a pronounced vulva and labia majora visible between the woman’s open legs,” according to Nicholas Conard (paleoanthropologist at the University of Tubingen), who reported the find. He described the tiny ivory figurine: “The head, arms, and legs are merely suggested. You can’t get more female than this…This is about sex, reproduction.” The figurine’s exaggerated anatomical features have started a conversation about it being art. Maybe it’s the first example of something that is “fantasy” being sexual.

Source: Book (Abundance of Life: Etruscan Wall Painting, Stephan Steingräber)

Suppose vagina engravings and voluptuous figurines from 30-40,000 years ago don’t quite satisfy your itch for kink. How about indulging in threesomes and erotic spanking? In that case, we’ve been painting (making it possible to re-live the experience) since the Etruscan civilization was at its height in 500BC.

This painting is explicit even by today’s standards. A woman is being spanked by her lover in an ancient threesome. YUMM!

Both men have their hands raised. One has a stick, prepared to spank her behind as she gets fucked while giving the other guy a blowjob. Some conservative vanilla-loving kink-shamers might consider these activities a “perverse symptom of immoral times,” but they have been around for as long as we have.

WARNING: You might feel you missed out after reading this juicy fact. Nobody did exotic sex like Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula). From AD 37 to 41, this guy built two floating palaces full of marble, gold, mosaic floors, statues, heating, plumbing, and even vines and fruit trees grew aboard. For what? you may ask… ORGIES. It is rumored that each boat had a capacity of up to 2,000 people…  can you imagine?

Marquis de Sade was a French writer famous for his 1791 book, Justine. The term sadism, which refers to sexual gratification from inflicting pain on another person, comes from “Sade.” He also wrote The 120 Days of Sodom, about four wealthy men who kidnap other people at their leisure for sexual indulgence.

This is where BDSM is born. BDSM stands for “bondage and discipline” and “sadism and masochism.” The practice borrows heavily from the thought processes and eroticism found in the writing of Marquis de Sade. The pain delivered and received for sexual gratification is one of the cornerstones of BDSM. While BDSM is as old as culture itself, the modern version is practiced worldwide and is considered a lifestyle today.

It's safe to say that whichever is your favorite flavor of kink, people have been doing it for tens of thousands of years before you.

So, where are these extremely kinky people now, and what flavor are they enjoying?

A lot are still in Greece! Greeks still openly discuss sex and their sexual desires with family, friends, sexual partners, and co-workers. Street prostitution is illegal, but sex work isn’t. The government ensures that its sex workers register and undergo health checks every two weeks.

In Switzerland, sex education starts in kindergarten. It must be going well because despite having licensed brothels, plenty of sex scenes on TV, and indulging in public sex, they have one of the lowest teen birth rates in the world.

Reportedly, a quarter of the population in Spain rates their sexual performance as excellent, and 90% of Spaniards say they are sexually satisfied. Maybe in Amsterdam watching a live sex show, in Tokyo buying soiled panties from a vending machine, in the “World’s Biggest Brothel” (aka Berlin), or maybe in San Francisco enjoying “Leather Pride Week.”

Since we started having sex, we’ve been finding ways to make it fun and pleasurable. Whether it’s stories of group sex, myths like Cleopatra’s bee-powered vibrator, or facts like the sexual revolution, we’ve always been curious and hungry for more. I’m personally less “vanilla” and more “maple-candied chocolate bacon,” and it seems like there are a lot of other freaky people out there enjoying their sexuality.