10 Female Hip-Hop Singers I’d Love to See Do Porn

They Must Be Good Catholic Girls, Cuz They’ve Got Great Rhythm.

I was raised on good ole’ fashioned, all-American honkey tonk music. Both Country and Western. The first time I heard Elton John’s “Philadelphia Freedom” it was too rockin’ for me to fully comprehend. When I heard The Eagles’ “New Kid in Town,” I was ready to move on to something harder than rednecks with drinking and/or heroin problems. I was ready to move on to Punk, Classic Rock, Alternative Rock, Heavy Metal, and, ultimately, Hip-Hop musicians with drinking and/or heroin problems. It’s all music and I love it, even with its drunks and its junkies. What art form doesn’t specialize in pain?

I ignored Rap and Hip-Hop for the most part for a long time. I found some I liked and eventually, thanks to the wonders of the internet, I found some women that I liked. Really liked. As in, more than the roosters crowing about their conquests. The hens may crow just as much about the exact same thing, but they have an entirely different way of approaching sex and love. Yes, it’s transactional in many cases, but that’s because we see our sexual prowess as having value beyond dinner and a cocktail. Men expect something from their time investments. If women can’t depend on an orgasm when being sexual with men, something expensive is always a thoughtful alternative. Both are especially nice.

As is so often the case, I have developed some favorite Hip-Hip vixens who I’d love to see do all the things they sing about but with a camera in the room with them, and me either behind the camera or just chilling on a chair nearby. Here are 10 of the women of Hip-Hop I would enjoy fem-fapping to if they ever blessed us with a blue movie.

Megan Thee Stallion: This one feels like a gimme. I’m almost embarrassed to start off or even include her. She’s so obviously made for ferocious sex and I am certain that she Tops from the bottom on the regular. Do not forget to lick this proud Creole woman’s pussy. If you haven’t heard her music, do your research because she’s quite clear about what she’s looking for. A dick that’s “slappin’” and has a hook, ideally. Also, superhuman tongue strength and endurance. If you have not admired her ass, then I am going to assume you are visually impaired, because it could launch 1,000 ships. Also, that whole tongue thing? I didn’t get it at first but now I like it.

Cardi B: It’s possible that Cardi B is obsessed with money. And diamonds. A complex mix of ethnicities, she’s a complex mix of personas who looks as dangerous as she does desirable. Given that the idea of a wet ass pussy scares men like Ben Shapiro, I’d say she’s the kind of dangerous that I like. She’s a girl from the strip clubs of Tribeca, so she knows what it’s like to be a sex worker and deal with men at their worst. When she appeared in Lizzo’s “Rumors,” my thoughts about the pregnant woman were definitely not family-friendly. She makes being a breeder look good. Let’s get her into some MILF or pregnant porn scenarios and find out what heaven looks like when it fucks. She performed at the AVN Awards, so we know she’s cool with what it is we do. Now we just gotta find her price.

Doja Cat: Technically, a rapper, Doja Cat’s birth name opens a portal into another dimension, so it’s best to use her professional name. It’s also a lot easier to say. Growing up in an ashram doesn’t seem like it would lead a young woman to pop-locking competitions, but Doja Cat is no common woman. She’s thin for my taste, but she’s so charismatic that I don’t care. Plus, she likes cats, science fiction, and cosplay. She makes a really cute cow in “Moo,” too. I wouldn’t object to seeing Doja Cat made into a high-quality animated erotic series heroine. There are so many aspects to her character that could have adventures that include getting laid and made to feel totally like a “Woman.”

Lizzo: Oh, my Goddess, Lizzo! Where have you been my whole life? As a size acceptance activist and general lover of human bodies, I have been searching for inspiration like Lizzo for decades! Lizzo is a BBW balm for our weight-obsessed souls. She's proof a big woman can dance with the best of them and still keep some meat on her bones. Imagine her teamed up with someone like April Flores, Kimmie Kaboom, Bunny DeLaCruz, or Amy Villainous. So much beautiful flesh!

Latto: Whether you call her Big Latto, Latto, or Mulatto, she’s a handful and a half of voluptuous, saucy bi-racial woman. Ignore the fact that I call her signature song, “Big Energy,” “Big Dyke Energy,” and just know that she’s got an ass and titties that you could lose yourself in without any desire to be found. Watch her prancing around in her latex ladybug outfit and you’ll understand.

Chlöe: When this half of a singing sibling duo released “Have Mercy,” I knew she was talking directly to me because she is one helluva beauty and when she claims that her man “go stupid, he go daffy,” I am entirely inclined to believe her. As is traditional, she’s a twerker, God bless them all, and she’s got a meaty set of muscular ass cheeks that can probably asphyxiate the average white man. She has a cute sister, too, but that would just be weird and I’d rather not go there.

Missy Elliot: She may not be everybody’s porno cup of tea, but this legend is certainly a flavor I’d be willing to stir, sip, and sample. When she says, “I’ve got a cute face, chubby waist, thick legs in shape,” I’m all about getting down to that beat. She’s not one for the strip club costume selection, so porn might be a hard sell. But the Queen of Rap is a fabulous representation of a powerful black woman who isn’t ashamed of being from the ‘hood and is willing to join you when you “Get Ur Freak On.” Also, I think she’s secretly a dominatrix.

Nicki Minaj: Isn’t Nicki Minaj already doing porn? It just seems like something she’d have on her bucket list. The beautiful Trinidadian has been quoted as saying that she wishes she’d grown up in a stricter household, which makes me think she’d be perfect bent over someone’s knee getting a good bare-handed spanking. Of course, you’d have to catch her first and she looks feisty and fast.

Flo Milli: Way too skinny for my usual fantasies, Flo Milli has a fiercely confident sass about her that makes me want to be her for at least a moment. When she sings, “this pussy VIP and he can’t get in it,” I feel so empowered as a woman. Indeed, as she says, “I want money, so fuck you, pay me,” I realize both how materialistic that is and how undervalued women’s sexuality has traditionally been. Sounds like she’s not opposed to red umbrella work. We just need to negotiate her per-scene rate.

Saucy Santana: Oh, come on. You know you want to see what lies beneath Saucy Santana’s satin hip-hop shorts! The chonky gender bender has sung enough about his “Booty” that it’s gotta be something special. Maybe we can pair him with Megan Thee Stallion and a Tantus strap-on harness and dildo.