Ancient Romans: Prolific Artists of Dicks

Ancient Romans were prolific artists of dicks. Archeologists in Córdoba, Spain, have been excavating a walled Iberian settlement since the 1960s. They just discovered an almost 18-inch long penis carved into the remains of an ancient Roman building. Phallic art was common in ancient Rome, but the size of that dick is exceptional.

Source: https://elpais.com/cultura/2022-08-24/hallada-en-cordoba-una-de-las-mayores-esculturas-falicas-del-mundo-romano.html

It is normal to find phallic drawings and carvings in places like school desks, graffitied walls, and (in my days) library books. Phallic representations have been an everyday sight since ancient times, but the meaning and symbology have devolved from fertility to simple vandalism.

There’s evidence of objects from 35,000 to 40,000 years ago that might have been used in fertility ceremonies, or maybe they were considered erotic art or, in some cases, sex toys. In Germany, archeologists found a penis-shaped artifact that was eight inches long. It dates to 28,000 – 29,000 years ago, when Neanderthals lived in the Swabian Jura region. An 11,000-year-old sculpture from the Neolithic era is in the British Museum. It portrays two lovers entwined: "Carved from the same stone, their tubular bodies and rounded heads are unmistakably phallic. Are they both men? Today, the museum includes this beautiful object on its LGBTQ tours.”

Bronze phallic wind chime (tintinnabulum) © The Trustees of the British Museum

In the 18^th century, when excavations began at the ancient Roman city of Pompeii, archeologists found penises everywhere. The art had been preserved under the ash from the eruption of Vesuvius in 79 AD. There were so many phallic art representations that English antiquarian Richard Payne Knight suggested there must have been an ancient fertility cult at the site. Doorways and gardens in Pompeii were decorated with bronze phalluses hung with bells. They were called tintinnabula and were used like wind chimes.

In 2018, archeologists in southern Turkey uncovered a Roman public toilet. To say the least, the choice of art for the room was as kinky as should be expected from ancient Romans. Imagine you have a penis (if, like me, you don’t). You walk into the public bathroom, and as you stand in front of the urinal holding your dick, you think you see your reflection on the floor. You get lost in your reflection. You fall in love and waste away gazing at it. You are Narcissus. Just kidding, but there was a mosaic of Narcissus holding his penis. In the Greek myth, Narcissus saw his reflection in the water, fell in love, and stayed by the shore staring at his reflection for the rest of his life. In the mosaic, he is shown as obsessed with his erection.

As a woman, I am fascinated by men’s obsession with their cocks. I love my vagina, but I’m not sure I would “waste away” staring at it or tip on OF for someone to see it. You know who you are, wink. Maybe there's more prolific artists of dicks than we thought.

That mosaic and other ancient “dick pics” may have been intended to be humorous. But in ancient Rome, phallic representations and amulets were usually protective, considered good luck, and associated with fertility. The ancient Romans were prolific artists of dicks:

“People commonly wore charms, amulets, and necklaces decorated with a penis motif in the Roman civilization to improve fertility and ward away evil spirits and bad luck. Even children at this time were running around sporting little gold rings bearing male genitalia.”

In 2022, a penis carved in stone was found near Hadrian’s Wall in the United Kingdom. Biochemist Dylan Herbert found the stone while volunteering in an excavation:

"It looked from the back like all the others, a very ordinary stone, but when I turned it over, I was startled to see some clear letters. Only after we removed the mud did I realize the full extent of what I'd uncovered, and I was absolutely delighted.”

Vindolanda, an ancient Roman fort just south of Hadrian’s Wall, is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and has been studied for nearly a century. Compared to other sites, Vindolanda is “practically covered in dicks.” Thirteen have been found so far. Besides the one that was carved in stone, other items like fertility statues, lids of boxes, and horse riding gear were adorned with dicks.

Hadrian’s Wall is:

“…one of the most recognized landmarks from the legacy of Roman Britain… Across the length of the wall corridor, and at military installations, 59 known etchings of male genitalia, otherwise known as a fascinus or fascinum were carved at various locations to symbolize the male phallus.”

Chesters Bridge Abutment, Hadrian’s Wall - Image Credit : Carole Raddato

The 59 penises in the wall fall within three architectural definitions: 39 were incised, 19 are a relief, and only one is classified as a sculpture. The Heritage Daily grouped the penises into nine types based on physical traits: the rocket, the hammer, the kinky-winky, the splitcock, the pointer, the double-dong, running hard, the beast, and lucky dip.

According to archaeologists, the relief carving that was just found in Spain could be the largest preserved Roman phallus carving. Measuring over one and a half feet long, it was very likely used to invoke masculine generative power. Penis art was common, but the size of that dick is exceptional.

Andrés Roldán, a researcher from the University of Extremadura and director of the project and the Historical Museum of Nueva Carteya, explains:

“It was common to place them on the facades of houses or for them to be small amulets worn by soldiers as a symbol of virility, but no such size as the one found now. We are consulting the bibliography, and, at the moment, we have not found one of such dimensions.”

The massive penis carving is 17.7 inches long, 5.9 inches in the trunk, and 9.8 inches wide in the testicles. Penis art, from graffiti to fertility sculptures, is just as common today as it was in ancient Rome. Clearly, we humans haven’t changed very much, and there are still many prolific artists of penises.