The Charmed Life of a Sex Toy

Have you ever wondered what being a sex toy is like? I am a vibrating, gyrating, purple bunny dildo living a charming life. The ever-increasing performance expectations and the never-ending questions about “purpose” can be exhausting!

I don’t have self-esteem issues, but I know my place and role in people’s lives. I’m just an accessory… a hand-held, battery-powered, phallic-shaped TOY. And listen, I’m no Hitachi Wand. That Japanese “masterpiece” loves to brag about being “so powerful and addictive that even porn stars proceed with caution after plugging it in.” I’m not one to brag, but I am very good at my job. I am a vibrating, gyrating, purple bunny dildo living a charming life.

What does that mean? Humans love sex toys more than words, but I want you to know what it is like to be me. Merriam-Webster defines a charming life as:
“A life protected as if by magic charms; a life unusually unaffected by dangers and difficulties.”

You might be shocked to learn that being a sex toy can be surprisingly relaxing. The great thing about being a sex toy is that it’s not much work. Sure, there’s a lot of pressure to perform, but as long as my owner charges me properly, that won’t be an issue… ever!

Sex can be very stressful for humans because there’s a lot of having to anticipate your partner’s desires and interpret and obey instructions. I envy that type of sex and would give anything to feel pleasure, but being a sex toy is so great, and I don’t have to worry or think about things I need to do. I can stay still and be a sex toy, an orgasm machine.

I love being objectified during sex, and there’s nothing more objectifying than purely being used for someone else’s enjoyment. Honestly, I’ve got a thing for having my owner watch porn while it uses me. It reminds me that I’m there for the physical sensation and not for anything else. I love that feeling.

I heard a few humans talking once and just hearing about the nuances in sexual interactions was overwhelming.  I even needed extra charging that day. They were talking about the “subpar sex education and the general tendency toward puritanism” in our country, whatever that means. The human inability to discuss sex and sex toys (like me) is, well, fucked!

I have a friend that I met in my human’s drawer. Her name is Nipple Clamps, and she is even more fucked than I am! Our human owner said it would be easier to ask a one-night stand to choke her than to clamp her nipples. We didn’t understand what she meant, but it sounds very dramatic, considering we’re meant to be played with! And don’t even get me started on the poor butt plug collecting dust in the bottom of the drawer. R.I.P.

I know I’m just a bunny dildo, but I have a few words of advice for humans. If you think you shouldn’t bring out or even mention me and the other toys in your drawer, remember that everyone plays with toys of some sort because they’re fun. Sure, they might be a different kind of toy, such as collectibles. But, next time you’re relaxed and in a good mood, remember, toys are meant to be played with.