What is it with Mistletoe That Makes Us Want to Kiss?

The Green and White Parasite Hangs in Doorways Like a Stalker.

As the winter holidays approach each year, I engage in a failed search for mistletoe. Like my sweet innocence, the green parasite with the poisonous white berries has been difficult to locate. This year, I decided to become the mistress of my fate and search online via the retail site that everyone loves to hate and hates to use… yet uses. I found what I was looking for, placed my order, and then waited to see if it would arrive before Valentine’s Day. Too late for Christmas, it showed up just in time for New Year’s Eve. It’s gorgeous. I was giddy and hung it in the doorway between my dining room and the converted one-car garage I use as a living room/office.

But why?

As mentioned above, mistletoe is a parasitic plant that grows on the branches of trees, particularly fruit trees and maples. It requires birds to eat its berries in a tree and then “spread” the seeds high in the canopy of branches. I think we can all guess how that happens. If the tree is healthy, it and the mistletoe can coexist fairly peacefully. But what does any of that have to do with humans kissing under it?

Early in its history, it wasn’t associated with anything romantic or sexual. Instead, the Ancient Greeks used it as a medicine for menstrual cramps, epilepsy, ulcers, poisons, and other disorders and discomforts. During the 1^st century A.D., the Celtic Druids venerated the plant because it blossoms even as the harshness of winter persists. Still a medical plant, its purpose was seen as restoring fertility and vitality. The Norse believed that Frigg, the goddess of love, declared mistletoe one of her symbols, and Christians during the Middle Ages continued the Druidic tradition of viewing the greenery as associated with fertility and vitality.

Eventually, the 18^th century arrived, and the life of mistletoe changed forever! Suddenly, Christmas and New Year’s Eve romances were its specialty. Although its earliest days as a kissing magnet instead of medicine are uncertain, the new tradition appears to have caught on with English servants first. In time, the middle classes got in on the fun. “The fun,” mostly consisted of men having tacit permission to steal a kiss from any woman who stood under a “kissing ball” of mistletoe, holly, and boxwood, whether on purpose or by accident. To refuse the kiss was bad luck for the woman and she was unlikely to wed during the coming year.

This holiday tradition of smooching, often without warning, was not new. What was new in the 18^th century, as opposed to New Year’s Eve during Rome’s Saturnalia, was adding mistletoe to the mix. The Romans hung wreathes and greenery during the holiday, but there’s no evidence to suggest that horny Romans were tongue-dancing under any of it. Hogmanay, the Scottish equivalent of New Year’s, included hugs and kisses among friends, lovers, and even strangers. Americans who hate the tradition can blame Germany since the first mention of it was in an 1893 New York Times article about the country’s immigrants, who would gather to celebrate the passing of the year with food, drink, and festive embraces and lip locks.

New York City’s modern New Year’s Eve celebrations are a far cry from those of the ancients, what with the Big Ball dropping and people all over the country, if not the world, watching it happen in person, online, or on television; many of them intending to kiss someone once the countdown completes. Ironically, it’s much harder to find mistletoe now than it was thousands of years ago. When we do find it, those of us with animals or offspring need to watch the berries, which like to fall off over time and can be deadly if eaten.

Fortunately, the imitation mistletoe available today is amazingly realistic and does not drop its berries or evergreen leaves. It is still probably inappropriate as garnish. If all goes well for me, the kisses that happen underneath my pretty sprig of mistletoe during 2024 will also be, at least occasionally, inappropriate. Whether you have hung mistletoe or not, I wish welcome kisses and warm embraces for us all. For those of us who want more than hugs and kisses, I wish for greater intimacy, better communication, and more screaming orgasms. Happy New Year!