Yeah, the gal that’s the head of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow (you may have heard of her), has been slapped with a $5 MILLION dollar lawsuit over her “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle, according to E! News. Supposedly, the candle “exploded” in someone’s house in Texas. My guess is that it probably made the whole house smell like one hot pussy but I kind of doubt it.

Speaking of doubt, the company is vehemently denying that the candle, and, according to Refinery29, “Goop has called the suit a “frivolous” attempt at scoring “an outsized payout from a press-heavy product.” Yeah, Sure. That’s it. Creating a $5 million dollar lawsuit over a fucking candle. Think of the press you’d get if you thought of that first, or made a freakin’ TikTok video of it burning up your house and yelling “QUICK MR. FIREMAN! PUT MY VAGINA FIRE OUT!” I can see the Associated Press all over it. I mean, it’s already gotten the attention of E! News and Refinery29. I wish I thought of it.

Okay, back to the doom and gloom of the fire in question. Refinery29 shared “The candle also comes with a list of specific instructions, including one warning not to light it for longer than two hours and another directive to keep the product on a heat-resistant surface. The claimant said this warning is insufficient, and Goop shouldn’t be selling “defective” products in the first place. In a statement sent to Refinery29, Goop’s rep wrote that Watson admitted to disregarding these instructions by burning the candle “longer than recommended.” Shoulda used lube first, you idiot.

So what this means is use those remote controlled, smoke and flame-free candles from now on and add your own pussy juice to it. Then you’ll create a safe, “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle and the only heat you’ll create is actually putting it into action.