The Da Vinci Load #2: Angels & Semen HD

Hustler Video

Genre: Feature

Director: Jerome Tanner

Cast: Persia DeCarlo, Manuel Ferrara, Nautica Thorn, Denise K., Steve Holmes, Naomi Cruz, Kissy Kapri, James Deen, Aline, Evan Stone

Length: 94:19 minutes

Date of Production: 3/8/2007, 3/9/2007

Extra's: Extras on HD titles tend to be on the light side these days, most companies opting to limit the extras (as if the extras don’t sell copies), but I was initially pleased that a copy of the first volume in the series; The Da Vinci Load #1. I hadn’t seen it before but heard such wonderful praise from a few reviewers I generally don’t put much stock in, figuring this would be a great way to see the movie made back on 12/8/2005. For those interested, you can read a glowing review by my friend Disco Dirge for Da Vinci Load 1 (which I disagree with totally) but the comedic aspects alone were okay and the nod to the mainstream movie was so slight that I think those that hate the Ron Howard flick might not have to worry about this parody version. As an important note, the audio all came from the left speaker for the movie, sound issues a continuous problem on the extras this time though not on the main feature (volume #2) itself. Such was the case with the 16:58 minute long Behind the Scenes by Jake Tanner which was presented using the VC-1 codec too but looked substantially weaker most of the time to the movie elements. For the most part, it was a series of interviews and limited footage from the movie, ending on a sour note with an emotional Jerome Tanner treating the cast like shit (the look on their faces speaking volumes regarding their ever lasting feelings towards him). There was a trailer for the movie itself (albeit with audio problems, again!) but just as the first volume of the movie had no extras, that was all she wrote for the second volume too.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The Da Vinci Load #2: Angels & Semen HD was presented in a 1.78:1 widescreen color as shot by director Jerome Tanner for Hustler Video using the VC-1/MPEG-4 codec. There was nothing listed about resolution on the cover and as quirky as the format has proven of late; I’d be lying if I said it looked anything close to 1080p, looking closer to a 720p though still better then the SD version I got a glimpse at awhile back. The lighting was solid which helped make the fleshtones come out nicely, the slight grain and video noise not compromising the visual appeal of the show. There was some shimmer and aliasing too but as much as I expected the HD version to look perfect, I had to settle for middle of the road; even then for the SD version but this being so early in the company’s high definition career, perhaps they will farm out the disc mastering to Dimension (HD titles) or Demon DVD (Blu-Ray titles) to really elevate the quality of their offerings. The composition of the shots did manage to enhance the look of the ladies in most cases but considering how appealing they are to begin with, this was not a major concern of mine going into the show. There were shadows for the crew all the time and if you pay attention (notice that I didn’t say “close” attention), you will see numerous other slips that most directors catch these days. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital+ which was surprising since the rear channels were devoid of any sound just as the center speaker and subwoofer were not actively engaged. On a side note, the extras were all improperly mastered so that the music came out of the right channel on the trailer while the vocals were solely on the left. In the volume #1 movie, all the audio came from the left speaker alone; making me wonder if quality control was asleep at the wheel when this was the case in the BTS as well (for the record, I checked other discs that worked fine and the right channel kicked it right at the end so there wasn’t a reason on my end for the issue). The music was okay and the vocals plain; the main feature sounding better than the rest of the features & extras on the disc.

Body of Review: Jerome Tanner has long been one of the mainstay directors for Hustler Video though I have found his works to be truly hit or miss with little middle ground. In terms of parody porn or features that people could watch without wincing, I’d be remiss to suggest his works were even close to some of the other offerings by the company; many of the better ones coming from contracted titles sold to them rather than done “in house”. Still, as a fan of features and comedies in particular, I had heard some good things about a parody and jumped at the chance to review the HD version of The Da Vinci Load #2: Angels & Semen HD when it hit the shelves not long ago. For those that have been living under a rock for the last several years, the movie is based on a mainstream title that a great many movie goers have adored, coming from a book filled with all sorts of conspiracies interlinking various historically significant events and people. These days, so many people are willing to believe the most tenuous of links between matters based on a complete lack of history, this kind of show works so why not capitalize on a porn version like others have done? Well, if you’re looking for a true parody of the book, look elsewhere but as far as light, low budget comedies are concerned, you could do a bit worse if you really tried. Without divulging any plot points to spoil the razor thin plotted points for you, here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were worn:

Scene One: Persia DeCarlo, a lean little brunette wearing black booty shorts and a neon pink top, was up first as she seduced studly Manuel Ferrara in the living room. He jumped her bones and she slobbed his willing knob, the couple engaging in some varied vaginal screwing that showed her to be a bit ill equipped for dealing with a guy hung as large as Manuel (she had to wrap both hands around the base and only take his tip in her mouth for example). She was mostly passive as she engaged him then and while her all natural body was certainly cute, I’d rather she be paired up with someone she was better suited for if this will be the result. There was no doubt she liked the guy (in my mind at least) but it ended with a standard load of population pudding gracing her mouth & face for those who care.

Scene Two: Nautica Thorn, the featured hotty of the day (as seen on the front cover), was up next in a lesbian romp with sexy Denise K. in the small bedroom. Denise wore a tiny plaid skirt and crop top that allowed business attire dressed Nautica free access to her biscuit, the toys coming into play after some heated oral. The music was totally inappropriate for the sex but after watching the first movie on the disc, anything sounded good by comparison. They ate each other out, made all the usual moans, and drilled each other hardily with the dildos vaginally while showing a modest amount of chemistry. I’ve seen better from both of them but it was markedly better than the opening scene in terms of stroke value and replayability.

Scene Three: Nautica Thorn, showing some cleavage but looking rushed due to plotted elements, was up next in bed as she sucked off Steve Holmes. The sense of urgency she provided was nice but it really didn’t fit the story parts of the scene and as she stripped off her outfit, I was reminded that he was probably old enough to be her dad’s much older brother. The busy music interfered too but she was energetic in the various vaginal positions she did with him (covering about all of them from what I could see); bouncing on his cock until he launched a load into her face.

Scene Four: Naomi Cruz and Kissy Kapri, both wearing matching outfits (pink tops and black skirts with matching backpacks and panties), were up next as they took advantage of wimpy James Deen while the mighty Evan Stone struggled to save the guy from his fate. Personally, I’d be telling Evan that I’d take my fate like a man and allow them to double team my cock but that’s just the kind of guy that I am. The limited blowjob work led to the ladies taking spots on his face (face sitting) and cock (vaginal riding) with the camera too close most of the time to thoroughly appreciate the action. There really wasn’t any chemistry between the trio that I could see; though the gals seemed to like each other a whole lot more than him. The lesbian aspect of the scene was warmish and they provided some toy footage before he finished vaginally fucking both of them to give up a mouth pop for them to share.

Scene Five: Aline, a gal wearing a blue-gray dress that barely hid her great ass, was up last with the mighty Evan Stone in the laboratory. He paid homage to her perfect pucker, licking it clean to her delight which led, of course, to him banging her backdoor. They continued screwing but it was slightly mechanical at times with Evan driven to fulfill her need for seed in both her ass and pussy before he rubbed out the standard wad of semen in her mouth. At least she gave him some post coital head to show she was into the action.

Summary: The Da Vinci Load #2: Angels & Semen HD by director Jerome Tanner for Hustler Video was definitely an acquired tase and for a more favorable look at the SD version of the release, by all means check out Colonel Mustard’s review of it here: The Da Vinci Load 2 but for my tastes, it simply fell short too often and the issues with the audio on the extras alone weakened this one a full rating or so, making it worth a Rent It at best for me. I like Hustler and hope they decide to take on the competition by the horns in 2008 but this was not the title that will do it without substantial amounts of money & favors, perhaps even a Swiss bank account needed given the multitude of problems it had. In short, The Da Vinci Load #2: Angels & Semen HD was not the worst movie I’ve seen in all of 2007 but I sure hope 2008 brings me a lot more to choose from if this kind of HD title is going to be rushed to market without proper quality control.