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The Karate Kid XXX: A Dreamzone Parody

Dreamzone Entertainment

Genre: Parody

Director: Van Anderson (Ralph Long)

Cast: Diana Prince, Billy Glide, Anissa Kate, Ralph Long, Michael Vegas, Gia Grace, Evan Stone, Katie St. Ives, Tommy Pistol; Ron Jeremy in a non-sex role

Length: 82:13 minutes

Date of Production: 11/15/2012

Extras: All the extras were included on the second disc, the 39:11 minute long Behind the Scenes feature was the primary (and best for me) extra here. The emphasis was on the ladies with the camera following them around as well as capturing them masturbating or expounding on questions asked of them, very little about the movie or source material discussed (even Tommy admitted to not having watched the original movies). This was followed by two non-explicit sex versions of company flicks, the Godfather XXX, and the Romeo & Juliet XXX; both lasting a total of 53:37 minutes. There was then a photogallery/slideshow, four trailers, and various spam like phone sex, toy and movie ads.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: The Karate Kid XXX: A Dreamzone Parody was presented in widescreen color as shot by director Van Anderson (Ralph Long) for Dreamzone Entertainment. Matt Holder and Mike Towers worked the cameras, editing was left to “Prime Cuts”, makeup by Latina Love Bug, and the sound accredited to “Toxic Monkey”, the production values reminding me of some low grade “made for internet” type of work where the sex was loosely tied to the minimal feature elements. The lighting was inconsistent and this led to some of the scenes looking too saturated in terms of color balance, the outside work looking much better by comparison. The music and vocals were distinctive enough though, no great score to revive any memories of the original material and a slight hollowness observed throughout the movie though I could hear the vocals just fine.

Body of Review: Van Anderson is the directing name for performer Ralph Long, the affable chap currently making movies for Dreamzone Entertainment. His latest is called The Karate Kid XXX: A Dreamzone Parody, a parody of a popular movie trilogy that has spawned a remake (a terrible remake starring Will Smith’s kid) and even branched off into what could have been a better title to parody in Hillary Swank’s “The Next Karate Kid”, the cheesy 80’s feel of Ralph Machio’s clueless New Jersey teenager dragged to California by his mom character endearing to a lot of people. In the mainstream titles, Daniel is bullied so he takes up learning the martial arts from a reluctant old man (Rest In Peace Pat Morita), his goal of being left alone expanded into getting the girl and winning a big tournament repeated on one level or another twice too often. My hopes for this parody was that it was a spoof, given Tommy Pistol’s parody resume, a good direction to take for a sensible direction, the resulting effort certainly considered a “mixed result” by this reviewer. But with Katie St. Ives, Anissa Kate, Diana Prince, and Gia Grace in the cast to support Tommy Pistol (as Daniel) and Evan Stone (as Mr. Miyagi), there was room for this to succeed no matter which way it went, the writing by David Stanley sure a surprise for me.

The back cover put it like this: “With high hopes of porn stardom, Daniel's mother moves the family out to California. While she pursues her dreams and every dick in town, Daniel aspires to fend off the local bullies. Sympathetic to his plight, Daniel's perverted neighbor Mr. Miyagi trains him to fight. With the Karate tournament just a day away, will Daniel be ready? Will his insatiable mother stop craving cock? Will a double-penetration scene slow down with evil Cobra Kai? Answers to these questions and more are revealed in The Karate Kid XXX.” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Diana Prince, the busty brunette babe seen on the far right side of the cover, was up first on a couch wearing a really tight blue top and some torn jeans with weirdly stripped leggings. She was paired up with bully Billy Glide, the man playing the hardcore instructor of martial arts with no sense of empathy. She really only wanted his hard, hot cock in her mouth but he took some time to gobble her gash, moving aside her G-string to gain access to the nearly bald beaver. He started to savor her implants too but the poor editing seems to have cut that to pieces, bouncing from that to a few positions of vaginal sex and taste testing, the end result less satisfying though Diana is a gorgeous hotty no matter what she was doing. The genetic juice was tossed off onto her crotch, the resulting ball batter tasted by Diana but only barely.

Scene Two: Anissa Kate, the alluring brunette seen on the far left side of the front cover in pink panties, was up next on a blue couch conveniently placed outside for her to be initiated into the Cobra Kai ranks as one of their sluts courtesy of Ralph Long and Michael Vegas. I’ll give it to the two guys that they had a passing resemblance to two of the bullies from the first movie, both of them turgid enough to deliver the goods as needed to Anissa once they peeled off her panties. She alternated between them with her lovely ass in the air, the editing again looking like someone with a mighty heavy hand fucked up what could have been a much better, much hotter scene. They spent most of their time in her mouth and pussy but gave her ass a few moments of pounding too, culminating in a DP though not so much you would advertise it as one of her greatest hits. Anissa sported a neatly trimmed bush and some of the music was overly loud, her active riding style and eye contact appreciated even if this wasn’t one of her best works to date. The action ended with her getting glazed by both of them with facials of population pudding, the spunk left on her face but some weird karate montages tossed in like someone was drunk in the editing bay.

Scene Three: Gia Grace, the exotic hotty seen just to the left of Katie on the cover, was up next with hammy Evan Stone, the gal wearing a garish yellow top that was opened for him to get some breast play in the courtyard. She played with his balls and sucked him actively, the editing bouncing around too much though the camera did not seem to move around as much as she impaled herself on his pecker. This was an oral and vaginal ride only but she seemed to have some fun, her shaven slit taking a lot of dicking as the weirdly made up Evan boned her like he owned her. She was flexible too, taking his splooge to her chest by her own hand while squeezing his balls.

Guest Appearance by Ron Jeremy

The scene that never was...

Scene Four: Katie St. Ives, the blond on the front cover with the brilliant blue eyes, was up last with Tommy Pistol in the clinic during the tournament. She played up the clueless girlfriend angle well enough, after all, she was blond (by wig) and a Californian, not wanting him to die without sampling her virgin pussy. She blew him and some clips of Evan tapping Diana were shown (which would have been a great scene if shot right, or even a perfect deleted/bonus scene for the extras), Tommy giving her some head as well on the table. It was strange how magically healed his leg became as he engaged her so enthusiastically, rimming her and drilling her juicy unshaven snatch (well, it was trimmed) in numerous positions to the generic music. She sucked her juices off his cock a few times between positions too, applying some corkscrew hand to gland friction to enhance the moment, the ball batter flying into her eye and all over her face before she apparently swallowed the spew down.

Summary: The Karate Kid XXX: A Dreamzone Parody by director Van “Ralph Long” Anderson for Dreamzone Entertainment had such a limited amount of feature elements that calling it a parody or spoof seems a pretty big stretch of the imagination but with a cast of smoking hot babes like Diana Prince and Katie St. Ives on hand, there was some stroke value too. Still, if you watched only the feature elements, you would not reasonably tie it to any movie outside of porn, certainly not the huge money making franchise in question, even the sex scenes clocking in way too short to fully appreciate the ladies. As such, I rated it as a Rent It, a rating most of the porn viewing audience can appreciate these days, the movie offering about as much entertainment value as most of Axel Braun’s lower budget efforts but slightly more sex to enjoy than his. In short, The Karate Kid XXX: A Dreamzone Parody was a double disc parody of a popular Hollywood movie franchise that had some potential to work but didn’t make the cut for all sorts of reasons. It was not as terrible as I have heard but it sure shouldn’t be on anyone’s short list this awards season, unless as a spoof of that process too but fans of the lovely ladies might enjoy seeing them in a different setting so weigh the elements on your own to decide; the cover admittedly looking great by comparison.